Dinos to purchase more HCS hardware

When the Dinos made their large cash injection into the Oojok Star Empire a couple of years ago part of the deal was the transfer of 1000s of AFVs to totally re-equip the Dino Army. These AFVs, T-88s, T-55s and TRV-7s mostly were from the huge reserve that had built up since the HCS had downsized several legions.

Now the Dinos and HCS have announced a 120 million zark deal for more equipment, this time brand new. The deal includes T-55Zs, TRV-7s and the Owl NBC warfare reconnaissance vehicle. Both the 1st Legion and the SS will receive an NBC warfare recon unit. The deal is an important one for the Clone Defense Vehicle Corporation (CDVC), though it should be remembered the corporation is 45% owned by the Dinos (another part of the original deal).

DDS announce F-10A2, F-10S details

As part of it's Air Corps investment the DDS is refurbishing it's fleet of 57 F-10A Shark fighter bombers. The work, which will bring the aircraft to F-10A2 standard, includes new avionics, night mode attack, a modular ECM system, an improved fire control system, a modified wing and a new fuel system that increases range by 12%. The engines will also be modified to FT6809GX4-II standard which increases thrust.

The newbuild F-10S Shark 2100 is a much more radical change, the aircraft has been redesigned around the new FT8085GX5 turbofan and is a sleeker more potent bird. The fuselage has been redesigned with a larger weapons bay and more fuel. The flying surfaces have also been modified. Avionics is largely as the F-10A2 but due to the extra room there is more ECM/EW equipment carried.

The small fleet of TF-10A trainers will be refurbished at a later stage. As yet there has been no word of a trainer version of the F-10S.

The DDS Xmas Quiz!

Its that time of year again when Windy dons his Santa outfit and terrorises young recruits with his stocking fillers... Try out the DDS Quiz, are you an expert or a dunce? A master or a servant?

1) The Hoods are...?
a - The sinister enforcers of Rotarios' professional regime
b - White sheet wearing fucks
c - both a & b

2) Salamander's favourite magazine is?
a - Chainsaw Weekly
b - Porn & Guns
c - Take A Break

3) Who has a heart-shaped vibrating rotating water bed?
a - Windy
b - Oh come on who else could it be?!

4) What does Redjec want to do with Quarz?
a - Treat him to a Pizza
b - Polish his helmet
c - Bugger him with the nosecone of Concorde

5) Action Painting likes the new regime because...
a - He wants Rotarios' babies
b - So arrogant fucks like Sea Urchin have to call him sir (not that they do...)
c - The old one was sooo 21st century

6) Ronald's daughter is called?
a - Crystal
b - Sunita
c - Margaret Thatcher

7) The motto of the SS is...
a - To serve is to protect
b - Brutal suppression of all Dino rights under our wheels of steel
c - Hard & heavy baby

8) Razorback has a collection of what?
a - Stamps
b - Specialist violent East European animal porn
c - Bottle tops

9) Who is Akiwati (XE)'s brother?
a - Captain Clone
b - Benito Clone
c - Electron

10) What was special about Weinz's journey home from the war?
a - It took a long time
b - It had to remain a secret between himself and a 1000 whores
c - Its secret

And relax! How did you do? The answers are below, we hope you did not peek... that is off-message.

RATING :
0-3 right : You infidel!
4-6 : Ronald might pee on you if you was on fire, perhaps...
7-9 : You may serve in the DDS fleet, under Windy...
10 : Oojok!!!

ANSWERS : 1 C 2 B 3 A 4 C 5 B 6 A 7 B 8 B 9 C 10 B

Bank warns DDS on debt

The Bank Of Proxima has issued a warning to the DDS about it's growing debt and thinks the DDS could have real financial problems unless they rein back spending. Mr Crisp, the Chairman of the bank, said that the DDS' debt had risen from 4.3 billion zarks in 2100-2101 to 22.6 billion in 2104-2105. With big programmes such as the Panther class destroyer and the Quasar ILU upgrade that debt could reach 35 billion by 2106-2107.

Income and cashflow has increased in the period too but so had spending at what Mr Crisp called an unsustainable rate. In a statement DDS Financial Officer The Shiner said that there were no problems and that debt would remain manageable. He also said that in real terms DDS debt was a lower proportion of turnover than in 2101.

DDS to boost aerial power

The DDS has announced a long-awaited (and much-needed) investment into it's Air Corps. This part of the DDS war machine has been neglected over the last decade and a half and has dwindled to just 2 squadrons of F-10A Shark fighter bombers. Under the newly announced 1.4 billion zark investment :

• All current F-10A Sharks will be refurbished to F-10A2 standard
• 120 newbuild F-10S Shark 2100s will be built, details TBA
• Two new airbases on Proxima 5 and Rathun's World will be built
• 60 of an unspecified medium transport will be procured
• The DDS Air Corps Training School will be revamped with new trainers (type TBA)

Director Of Communications Vodaphone said that the programme of refurbishment for the F-10As would begin in the new year and that the first F-10S were already in construction.

HCS Navy to return?

Following the Total Triumph victories on Cloneworld and New Rome the HCS Navy was considered obsolete and unneeded and was run down. Starved of funding the HCSN in the end became a mere Marine Division of the army and all major surface ships were withdrawn. However the rise of piracy on Cloneworld and Aquaworld and the difficulty in defending the northern flank on Cloneworld has forced a change of policy.

The HCS are now looking at building a new navy. Its known that all former HCSN personnel who are still in the armed forces have been contacted and former HCSN F-40N (navalised F-40As) have been sourced across the empire (though a couple on Austini 55 are obviously unavailable at the moment). Funding has also been secured for development of a F-45N.

Its thought the HCS will build their new navy one fleet at a time. The first being for Cloneworld. It has been suggested that the fleet will consist of one aircraft carrier (carrying around 40 F-45Ns and F-40Ns) plus helicopters, 4 destroyers, 4-6 frigates, 4 attack submarines, 3 fleet supply ships and 1 oiler. Minesweepers already are available. The cost of this fleet has been put at 5.6 billion zarks, with a further 3.5 billion for a new Naval Academy and 2 ports on Cloneworld.

The cost is obviously the major sticking point but the Clone economy has improved a great deal over the last couple of years and funding may be available. A second fleet would be built for Aquaworld later on with a third fleet designed for mobility. A number of heavy space transports would be outfitted with dry docks for transporting the vessels.

Xmas at the DDS

The DDS Xmas party is due to be held at GHQ tomorrow, all on-message personnel are requested to attend to enhance their professional status among peers. There will be a Secret Rotarios. This is similar to Secret Santa but instead of presents (which just represent sloth, greed and happiness) you instead nominate some professional activities (such as 12 hours back breaking toil in the laundry - ah joy!) and then your fellow professionals will each choose at random one of the duties! Noses to the grindstones brothers!

History of the SS

In a special feature we look back at the history of the Dino Security Squad (SS), the brutal fascist vanguard of the Dino Empire or the guarantee of law and order? One thing is for sure, controversy is never far away.

Since the formation of the Dino Empire under the great Ecto I there have been internal security organisations operating alongside the army. These often were informal and secret groups, often the personal bodyguards of various Lords. The assassination of Emperor Wen Dobla led to calls for a formal internal security unit to act as a police force for the empire and to be a counter balance to the army. This, the Internal Security Unit (ISU), was formed by Emperor Renesoka in 1598 (Terran date). The ISU operated as a small secret police for centuries. However under the rule of Juliawaki the ISU grew greatly in power and was renamed the SS.

It was under the control of it's first Commander Telavason that the SS gained military units and much greater influence. Infact Telavason secretly ruled the Empire for several years, keeping Juliawaki drugged. Finally in 2052 Telavason decided it was time to dispose of the figurehead and launched a coup. Ronald slew Telavason in the battle that followed and became emperor himself!

Ronald considered disbanding the SS but changed his mind. Although the SS has often been a hive of conspiracy and treason the empire might well fall without it's enforcement arm. Ronald made a reasonably clean Tribune called Holun the new SS Commander though some years later Gibson rose to command the organisation.

Gibson was later humiliated in a dinosexual scandal involving the DDS, sexual blackmail and rent dino boys. Ronald promoted his son Stinkyson to command the organisation. A surprise promotion but one that made sense considering Stinky's bad reputation and shady past. Under Stinkyson's rule the SS less rebellious but also somewhat lazy. The 2nd SS Legion became a shadow unit as funding was withdrawn.

Stinkyson could not take the shame of ruling such a corrupt and sexually deviant organisation however and resigned. Lakes became the new commander, the first to be democratically elected. Under Lakes' command the SS has begun to expand it's power again and is forming a 3rd legion. The SS is the vanguard of the Empire but often can also be it's weakpoint.

UV94 : The Way Of The Windscorpion

The final book of 2005 is the winter special, concentrating on the life of Windscorpion. In "The Way Of Him (B4 Him)" Windy remembers back to his first ever battle in the DDS, and not everything went to plan! Moving on a few years to the war on Cloneworld, in "Best Sex" we see the famous battle of Ailier City for the first time. The battle that nearly ended the reign of Oojok before it had even got started.

Changing tack somewhat, in "Six Of The Best" Windy recalls when he was asked to turn trainer of new DDS recruits, and ended up causing chaos at GHQ. Finally the story of how Firefly restored Windy back to life is detailed in "Back 2 Life", in which Firefly searches parallel universes for a new Windy to replace the one slain by Rotarios. Finally in "Death Ride" Windy recalls one of the vicious battles on Randalf 74.

UV94 is available from all toy shops on Proxima 5 and brothels across the Rim Worlds. Next up is UV95 : Vile Thrills at the end of January.

HCS Space Navy acknowledge staffing problems

A report leaked to a Dino newspaper has revealed a growing crisis in staffing levels across the HCS Space Navy. The HCS were forced to issue a statement acknowledging the problem but said that steps were in progress to alieviate the problem. The main problem is that the HCS Navy has expanded in size greatly over the last few years but the training schools have not followed suit. That, plus natural wasteage, has led to some ships running up to 30% below normal staffing levels.

The HCS operate a 3 shift pattern like the DDS though their shifts are 10 hours long (as a Cloneworld day is about 30 hours long). Some ships have been forced to change to a 2 15-hour shift pattern. This of course is having a detrimental effect on morale and performance. One HCS General is said to be worried that tired crews are making mistakes and ships could be lost.

HCS General Asim, the head of HCS Space Navy Training, said that the HCS Space Navy had just opened a new training academy on Paragon (the 4th in the empire) and that 2 more were being built. However one of these was on Austini 55 and the rebellion now makes that unlikely to be providing any loyal HCS space sailors any time soon.

Life At The Blunt End : A Knobhead diary

Hello I am Knobhead, second in command to Horsehead. I have been in the DDS for a long time, and avoided death despite spending most of that time under Horsehead's command. The DDS have decided it would be good for a top DDS soldier to do a regular column for Latest Victory News. I was given the choice of death by impaling or writing this column. But you know what the army is like, ask for one thing and get the other.

Its currently a quiet time in the DDS. Horsehead spends most of the day watching his specialist porn library (mostly films of huge butch lesbians violently penetrating young girls with massive strap-ons), that and bullying the men. He often asks us a trick question, with the aim of killing us if we get it wrong. Any questioning of his orders he takes as mutiny and of course the penalty for that is death, instantly. When i leave the DDS i'll probably do something less dangerous like juggling atomic bombs or something.

We are on a low-alert status overall however there is the problem of piracy in the Oscar area. Of course Horsehead has a strategy for tackling the pirates that involves a saturation nuclear strike of Oscar, New Jakarta, Zoneland and about half a dozen other planets. Luckily he tends to get ignored on matters of strategy...

Let me tell you more about our set-up. Horsehead commands the 4th fleet which is based at Rathun's World. Our area of responsibility is the DDS South district that stretches from Rathun's World to Starbot. Yes we have to co-operate with those geeky Starbotians and the loser King Rathun. Its a struggle. Since the demise of the Rectoids its been very quiet here and i know that has made Horsehead very very edgy...

Benito rebellion spreads to Miliaris, Laalande 21649

Up until now, with the exception of some riots and terrorism on Cloneworld, the Benito rebellion has been restricted to Austini 55 and the nearby planet of Woloron 12. However there have been reports in the Dino media that military units on Miliaris and Laalande 21649 have rebelled against central control and have joined the Benito flag.

Whilst Laalande 21649 is to be expected, being close to the other two rebel planets, Miliaris is some way away and this has to be a serious issue for Oojok. It is thought that Oojok has despatched a new fleet and this is nearing Austini 55. Benito's fleet has been augmented by some more defections and is said to be nearly 50 strong now.

Character of the week : Lord Rotarios

Lord Rotarios, the eternal DDS Commander! Hail to Lord Rotarios! Hail his polished head! Lord Rotarios, who knows things known not by all others! Lord Rotarios, fearless master of the cosmic powers! Lord Rotarios, illustrious mastermind of all knowledge! Lord Rotarios, i hear hes good at snooker as well.

Rotarios has had a long yet varied career in the DDS. He started off in the old days as a member of Windscorpion's team but soon sought the greener grass of the HCS. After he killed Windscorpion he became a top man in the Clone Empire. Then after Windy's resurrection he sought revenge and punished Rotarios, turning his head into an ornament.

However the Mutre Bee rescued Rotarios and Professor Piss rebuilt his body. Rotarios embarked on a two stage course 1) kill Windy 2) take over the DDS. The first he thought he had achieved when he engineered the destruction of the Pulsar during the Porquatian war. The second he achieved with the help of his acolytes Action Painting and Vodaphone and the shadowy Hoods.

Windy came back from injuries but he found the DDS now a New DDS that stands for personal growth, holistic self-actualisation and brutal self-denial. Windy was forced to bow before the greatness that is LORD ROTARIOS!

(note : Character Of The Week will be taking a break for now. Starting in the new year a weekly series profiling some of the top and special military units in the DDS Universe)

DDS to host conference on Oscar situation

With Zone piracy on the increase in the space around the disputed planets of Oscar and New Jakarta the DDS has invited representatives of the Dino and Clone Empires to discuss the various issues and to try and work on a plan to resolve the situation before it becomes another "bad lands".The DDS are said to be wanting a tri-nation force under a rotating command to police the area, though after the chaos this caused in the defense of New Arit some years ago it is doubtful the Dinos and Clones would agree to that.

Dr Forbidden : Open Architecture

Head of DDS Research Dr Forbidden has written this exclusive article on the exciting new Open Architecture that will revolutionise DDS spacecraft technology.

So what is Open Architecture, it basically is the building blocks and design philosophy behind the next generation of DDS ships, starting with the Pangaea class (though the Pentekonter and Terran Sea Block 2 will have a preliminary version) through to future classes like the Panther. Open Architecture (OA) is a standardised structure for the systems and organisation of DDS ships. With OA we have a 100% wireless control sub-system with standardised communications protocols.

This allows us full "plug & play" with ship components. We can replace a system such as a sensor signal processor as simply as unplugging the old box from the power grid and plugging a new one in. The activated system automatically communiates with the rest of the relevant systems and configures itself for use within a second. There is no longer any need for system integration as all protocols are standardised and auto-configuring. The old box need not even be physically replaced, just turned off and the new box activated somewhere within the ship, and it just works!

Another part of OA is off-ship processing. This is an automatic process whereby if a sub-system fails the data that would be processed by it is automatically sent via hyperlaser link to the nearest ground station where it is processed and then sent back. We did an example on the SS Isometric lately where the Shields Integrity Processor was turned off. The data was rerouted instantly to our base at Solaris and sent back after processing. The bridge crew did not even notice the system had been turned off! Data processing centres will be set up at Proxima 7, Solaris and Rathun's World, with maybe more in future.

As OA is a standardised architecture the same basic structure can be used on any ship. OA is easily extendable and is modular. As everything is standardised there are considerable cost and time savings in developing and production. We can also update the software used onboard easily, and in minor cases without affecting operation.

I suppose the key to OA and the future of DDS ship design is seamless communications and data warehousing. We are building an infrastructure for data storage and processing gathered from every day ship operation. Currently every signal and datum that travels around a Terran Sea class frigate is stored and once a day unloaded to a 100 petabyte database at Solaris HQ. In a couple of years we will roll this system out to every ship in the fleet so every signal and datum is stored of every ship every day.

So why do we do this? Well there are two reasons, in the short term we have scripts that analyse new data looking for anomolies. We did discover a malfunctioning component in a ship a few weeks ago in fact. The script flagged up the problem before it would normally be noticed by the engineering team and action could be taken. In the long term we will have scripts that analyse the massive amount of data and look for trends to assist efficiency and improve operations and design.

This therefore is where the DDS is moving in it's system design, its an exciting road. Lets travel it.

(c) Dr Forbidden 2105

Special : Windy's style guide

Hello fellow cool dudes, Windscorpion here. Some may call me off-message but I am an off-message kinda guy. I was asked to write a special feature for the DDS website as its usual writers are all off ill (probably with STDs), now as I am gay I obviously have perfect fashion sense so what better than The Windscorpion Guide To Style.

Now some have called my look dated, a horrific 80s nightmare. They are now mostly dead of course but maybe they did have a point. The world of fashion does not stop, even for my cute ass. So i have decided to update my look a tad. Hoodies are cool, as they annoy old people. I really like this one as it will annoy them even more. Now ASBOs are for troubled young men, they probably need to find an older man for a disciplined yet fulfilling structured relationship.

What is the letter A for? Well Abstinence of course! What? Has Windy gone soft? Can he not get it up anymore? No way baby but sometimes you can have too much of a good thing. You need to pace yourself so you can appreciate it all the more.

Thats why I like this t-shirt from the Wait Wear range. Now of course they mean wait until you get married. Now I'm not waiting that long, Quarz seems to be hestitant to be taken up the aisle so to speak. Now waiting until you have had your tea is more like it. Then its head down and see you at the end. Hello Sailor!

Right I hope this style guide has been very valuable to you. Don't forget there are many options open to you... young man. Don't forget its only a laugh.

(c) Windscorpion Power 2105

Windy is hoping for something hot inside him this Xmas, the saucy git!

Dinos claim breakthrough in wormhole displacement travel

Professor Piss uses it (though we understand bought the technology off some aliens and doesn't have a clue how it works) and now the Dinos say they have cracked it. It being Wormhole Displacement Travel (WDT), basically this entails creating a wormhole between two locations in space-time and then travelling between them. Its not rocket science, its far beyond that.

The benefits of WDT are easily apparent, distances can be travelled in a very short time that take days or even weeks now. The problem is, its not very safe. The Dinos have had a working system for a couple of years now but the success rate has been so low (at times less than 5%) that only unmanned test probes were allowed to use it. WDT was also fitted to the flagship DM5 however and has been used in a time of dire emergency, luckily it worked on that occaision!

After years of work and development the success rate has risen to 12% but its still not enough to allow general everyday use, until now. Dino scientists have increased the success rate to an estimated 89% and hope to "dino-rate" it after an intensive test programme. The key to this breakthrough has been to not be quite as ambitious with the distance the wormhole crosses. The longer the tunnel in space-time the more chance of it collapsing when a ship is travelling through it. Previous tests used a Wormhole Separation Distance (WSD) of 5 lightyears but this has been reduced to 3 which a much higher safety. WSD means the distance between the starting and destination wormholes thus a WSD of 3 means you can travel 3 lightyears in just a few seconds.

By comparison a ship using conventional hyperspace travelling at 900c all day would travel 2.46 lightyears (and in practice it would be less as ships cannot maintain that kind of performance all the time). Using WDT and an average of one "tunnel" per 10 hours a ship could easily double that distance in 1 day. The DDS are also working on WDT but they are said to be years away from a working system. The Dinos hope to be able to roll out WDT to key ships in their fleet next year.

Character of the week : Razorback

Razorback is one of the high-flying Ilatii tribe who dominate parts of the Dino state (SS Commander Lakes and former SS Commander Gibson are also from this tribe - and all 3 hate each other of course). For a long time he has been a close friend and adviser to El Diablo and one of the top soldiers in the empire. Now he has been finally rewarded with Senator rank and is the Executive Officer of the Inner Circle.

Razorback is a top professional, his service career is full of great achievements. Unlike many bright stars in the Dinos he has yet to have been shot down. Probably because there arn't any skeletons in his cupboard. That doesn't mean he is boring though, just doesn't have a thing for beast porn, blackmail, murder and the other hobbies of his peers.

UV93 : Sexual Fantasy Of The Chief Executive

The penultimate book of 2005 includes 5 earth-shattering (and in some case bottom-shattering) stories.

Slim Hips sees Windy and Von Kane tackle Zone pirates. In SS Or Country El Diablo seeks proof that Lakes was behind the Jimmy shooting, is what he has found enough? The HCS High Command debate how to tackle Benito in Battling Benito and decide to send Megara to kill The Eye.

Redjec tries yet again to bugger Quarz with a large phallus in Virtual Reality Fat Girl but is foiled yet again. Finally in the 2005 DDS Xmas story Mistletoe + Holly Windy defies his ban from DDS GHQ to give out some "presents".

UV93 is available from pimps, drug barons and people with three arms across the galaxy. The next book, UV94 The Way Of The Windscorpion is due at the end of the month. The perfect trouser filler.

DDS cancel Long Range Frigate

The DDS have announced a change of plan and the cancellation of the Archean class Long Range Frigate (LRF). The total cost of the programme would have been 4.8 billion zarks and the DDS have decided to go with a cheaper option of rebuilding 8 Isometric class frigates for longer-range operations. This has been estimated to only cost 730 million zarks. The 8 ships will be upgraded once the Terran Sea class has been completed and work has begun on the Pangaea class. The DDS then will have enough ships for their planned patrol and fleet requirements with enough degree of slack to allow some ships to be withdrawn for upgrades.

The upgrades will occur before the Isometric ILU and it is thought will allow the DDS to test some equipment for the ILU programme due for the end of the decade.

HCSN announce upgrade programmes

The HCS Space Navy (HCSN) have broken convention by announcing their planned programme of fleet upgrades. Usually the HCSN, like most parts of the HCS are very secretive about their plans. With fleet building slowing down the HCSN has put a lot more emphasis on improving what they have.

The building of the Cosmos class does continue apace however and the HCSN plan a fleet of well over 100. Building will shift to the new upgraded S Class early in 2106 however. This will feature a new engine that boosts speed dramatically, up to 650c though we understand cruise will be more likely 600c. The super-energy cannon has also been upgraded, now said to be the equal to the Z cannon though this has been untested in practice.

10 Molentic Tuuls will be upgraded to the new GX Class, which includes improvements to performance, firepower and equipment. Its thought all MTs will be upgraded to GX eventually. 25 Kalahati Tuul 2s will also be upgraded to the N class, this also includes better performance and firepower/equipment.

Its clear that HCS efforts to improve their lagging spaceship powerplant technology has borne fruit as speeds approaching 600c are now expected. However as the DDS and Dinos are looking at 800-900c as a baseline its clear they still have a lot of work to do.

DDS transport attacked by pirates

7902 Skytrain received moderate damage and had it's cargo of minerals stolen when it was attacked by Zone pirates near to Oscar. Two crew members received injuries though none are thought to be life-threatening. A Solaris class frigate was on the scene within hours but the pirates had long gone. Skytrain was escorted back to the DDS fleet detachment near Oscar. A DDS spokesman said the pirates would be punished.

Character of the week : Action Painting

Action Painting is the DDS Director Of Operations and thus one of the two deputies of Lord Rotarios (hail to his polished helmet!) Action Painting has been a DDS regular for a long time now but never stood out much. He was a competant if unspectacular performer who rose to DDS City Commander in The Shiner's regime.

As such he was ideally placed when he and Vodaphone created The Hoods. As he was in charge of GHQ Security he was able to make sure the Hoods could make their attacks without being detected by CCTV and guards. Now in the glorious New DDS Action Painting oversees all DDS operations. He has a more pragmatic approach than Vodaphone's zeal but none the less is 110% loyal to the New DDS!

Fleet update (Pentekonter enters trials)

After a few last minute glitches the first of the Pentekonter class patrol boats 3501 Thucydides has entered trials. The ship is expected to be available for entry into service around the end of next january. Thucydides will not enter the patrol pool until the second ship in the class 3502 Alcibiades is completed and passed trials. Being the first ship of a new type Thucydides will underdo a Type Certification process and operational conversion. The DDS hope to have at least 6 ships operational by the summer of 2106.

The final two Terran Sea Block 1 ships 3207 North Sea and 3208 Barents Sea have completed their proving trials and have entered service, 3207 has been allocated to the patrol pool and 3208 has joined the 3rd Fleet.The first Block 2 ship 3209 Yellow Sea is now beginning trials, 3210 South China Sea and 3211 Java Sea will start trials before the end of the year.

Also entering trials is the first of the Marconi class EW ships. This is the third class based on the Standard Utility Platform (SUP). The DDS are hoping the ship can enter service before the end of the year though because of some teething problems with the EW/ECM equipment this might be delayed into early 2106. 7351 Marconi is desperately needed, both of the aging Moscow class EW ships are currently out of service with engine problems.

The DDS have announced that they plan to produce 7 SUP ships next year, two will be Provider transports, 2 Extender oilers and 3 Marconi.

Akiwati addresses the empire

Ayatollah Akiwati, speaking from an unspecified location, made a live address across the empire on all TV channels and radio. It was the first instance in the Benito rebellion being officially acknowledged. The speech was as follows :

"Fellow believers in Oojok! Many of you know of a grave danger that hangs over us now, the Anti-Oojok is threatening order and calm and wants to bring anarchy and pain. Benito is the Anti-Oojok and is an evil which must be destroyed. Do not be taken in by his forked tongue. He promises you many things but he will not deliver. He only wants power so he can empty your pockets and dishonour your daughters.

"Benito has caused an uprising on Austini 55 and Woloron 12. He has fooled good clones into becoming infidels and to turn on their fellow clone. They are not yet beyond redemption. Only in Oojok can you be a true clone. I say to the infidels : turn back to the light! Shun Benito and the words of Sin, the barbarism of the Anti-Oojok!

"Only in Oojok can you be truly happy. Only in Oojok can you go to Clone Heaven. Benito will only lead you to the Ten Hells Of Doom. And that is uncool."

Character of the week : Dr Forbidden

Dr Forbidden is the Head of DDS Research and as the War On Unprofessionalism gets ever more technical his importance has increased within the DDS. Dr Forbidden has been in the DDS for a number of years now but only recently has risen to the head of DDS Research. He is a very intelligent man with 2 PhDs and an MBA from Wolverhampton University.

But more than his intelligence Forbidden has a vision, and thats why he has been given so much budget and power. His vision is for a totally interconnected DDS with communications in real-time between every component down to the lowliest technician. A DDS that acts as one with a huge knowledgebase. He is also totally loyal to the New DDS project and believes that friendship and enjoyment are obsolete and should be replaced by endless toil and study. Joy!

Jimmy stable after operation

Emperor Jimmy is said to be stable after a 6 hour operation to remove the bullet from his lower brain after the assassination attempt. Chief Medical Officer Spikeson conducted the operation and used the new technique of targetted teleportation to remove the bullet using a teleporter without having to do any potentially damaging surgery. A government spokesdino said that the doctors were happy with Jimmy's progress but it was too early to say if there would be any permanent damage.

Meanwhile the investigation into the assassin is continuing said Senator El Diablo to reporters.

How the clones are reporting the Benito crisis

With the Benito rebellion escalating LVN has been taking a look at how the official HCS media has been covering the story, though any coverage was nil until a few weeks ago. The authorities reaction to Benito's uprising was to place a media blackout on the story, however 1000s of bloggers took over and despite the best efforts of the RP continue to report the story to an eager audience.

The recent space battle was not reported in the media at all, though the media did say that space forces loyal to Benito had fled when challenged by Loyalist HCS. Austini 55 has been lost to Benito yet according to the media there is a "minor challenge to authority" at best. The status of The Friar is also interesting. We now understand that he has defected to Benito's camp, but according to the official RP website he has been taken "ill" and is "on leave". One newspaper did report he had been in a "motor accident".

RP control over the media is incredibly tight though the odd story does slip through, in the minor newspaper the Micom Express there was a small report referring to the "loss of Austini 55 to rebels". The newspaper was mysteriously shut down after a fire at it's offices the next day...

Disaster for HCS as Benito wins first space battle

According to reports by the Dino Information Agency and the DDS the battle between the fleets of Benito and Loyalist HCS was a resounding victory for the rebels. Between 30-36 (this varies according to who is reporting) Loyalist ships engaged the 22 strong Benito fleet near Woloron 12. After some bitter fighting the Benito fleet was pushed back into Woloron 12 orbit and seemed to have lost.

What happened next is somewhat vague, a blog on Aquaworld said that the Friar changed sides and took control of the RP flagship which then decimated the Loyalist fleet in a surprise attack. This blog was quickly taken down by the clone authorities (and the author has had his ass handed to him we understand). This could be what has happened as the RP website (www.religious-police.hcs.gov.cw) has been suddenly taken down for "maintenance".

The Dino News is reporting that only 1 Loyalist ship managed to escape, all the others including 3 Soulaki battlecruisers were destroyed. Benito's fleet also suffered near 50% losses.

A military setback of this magnitiude could well be the tipping point that turns Benito from an annoyance into the provinces into the biggest threat to Oojok's authority for years.

Dr Forbidden on Archeans and Zs

Dr Forbidden was kind enough to grant us a short interview before he travelled to a conference on ultra-hard physics on Solaris.

Latest Victory News : Dr Forbidden, it is rumoured the Archean class long range frigate may be cancelled after all, can you confirm or deny this?

Dr Forbidden : No decision has yet been made but we are indeed reviewing the requirement for it. Its possible modified Isometrics could do the job just as well, at a considerable cost saving of course. However we have to weigh up the various pros and cons before we decide.

LVN : It is true you have a powerful new varient of the Z cannon lined up for the Panther?

Dr F : We are always looking on improving our weapons, the Z cannon is an integral part of the DDS armoury. One problem is that shielding advances has negated some of the potency of the Z lately but we are looking at advanced phasing technologies to give it an edge again.

LVN : How is the DDS' research into distributed networking and crewing going on?

Dr F : Pretty well! Construction of the distributed crewing centre on Solaris is going well and the lasernet upgrades should start soon. We hope that by 2110 40% of all space crews are actually based on shore using real-time data links and advanced communication technologies to act just as effectively as if they were present on board the ship.

LVN : Which communication technologies are these?

Dr F : Holographic projection and virtual reality immersion. This will help remote crewmen feel as if they are really onboard their ships and the use of holographic projection can assist in interaction with crewmen who are present aboard. We will be testing these technologies soon aboard the Isometric.

LVN : Thank you very much Dr F!

Character of the week : El Diablo

Former Emperor El Diablo remains one of the top lights in the Dino Empire. The current Home Secretary has been in the Inner Circle for some time now. El Diablo was unexpectently promoted to Emperor by Ronald after the great man had been seriously injured in the war against the Tarbotians. However it was far too soon for El Diablo and he was soon usurped by One-Horn.

After Ronald returned and slew One-Horn El Diablo was restored to the army yet for a long time was in disgrace. Finally he came back into favour and was put in charge of special projects by Ronald. When Jimmy became the Co-Emperor El Diablo took over as Home Secretary. El Diablo is a lot more mature now and a great leader with skill and intelligence. Some wonder if he might yet become Emperor again one day.

Jimmy : Gibson released

The Dino News is reporting that Deputy SS Commander Gibson has been released without charge. He had been arrested as part of the investigation into the attempted assassination of Emperor Jimmy but was released yesterday after El Diablo was satisfied he had not switched off the anti-teleport field that had allowed the would-be assassin to enter the conference centre. El Diablo told reporters he was following up some promising leads but would not expand on this.

Jimmy is serious but comfortable in the Central Army Hospital, a spokesdino said that the Emperor would have another operation soon.

UV92 : Billions Of Crimes

Internal rebellions and conspiracies take centre stage in the latest DDS book. In Prawn Sacrifice Lakes plots to assassinate Emperor Jimmy. Following from that in Regicidal Tendancies we see Lakes plans come to fruition, can the Emperor survive? In Business Is Business the HCS Loyalist and Benito Rebel fleets finally come to blows in a battle that may seal the fate of the HCS. El Diablo begins the investigation behind the Jimmy attack in Bashing The Bishops, does the trail lead to Gibson... or Lakes? Finally in Badgirl Rotarios decides the DDS needs a spiritial renewal.

The book is available from all criminals and brothels across the galaxy. The final two books of the year UV93 : Sexual Fantasy Of The Chief Executive and UV94 : The Way Of The Windscorpion will be released in december. The first book of 2006, UV95 : Vile Thrills coming early in the new year.

DDS Fleet update (Archean class)

The 3400 class long range frigate will not be entering service until well into the year after next but the DDS have decided to change it's name again, first it was Battle then River... now the class has been named the Archean class. The ships will be named after geological time periods on Terra. Another change is that the order for the fleet has been increased to 15.

3501 Thucydides, the lead ship of the Pentekonter patrol ship class, is ahead of schedule and may enter trials next week. The Isometric Intermediate Update 1 programme, which was suspended during the Terran Sea EMS problem has resumed. Only 7 ships remain to be updated. 3117 Holocene, which was badly damaged during the battle against the Tarbotians, is expected to return to service in january.

Loyalist and Rebel HCS fleets square up

The Daily Dino is reporting a quote from the Dino External Intelligence Agency that two HCS fleets are facing each other near Woloron 12. These are the rebel HCS fleet of Benito, who has begun an uprising on Austini 55 and Woloron 12 and the 3rd Space Fleet of the HCS, sent by Oojok to crush the uprising. As yet neither fleet is willing to show it's hand and we understand the two fleets have been facing off for 2 days. More news as we get it.

Character of the week : Admiral Anderson

Look up incompetant buffoon in the Clonese dictionary and it will probably say Admiral Anderson, the former head of the HCS Navy was notable only for foul ups. Including one incident where his orders caused an entire task force to get beached on sand banks. Anderson fell out of favour when the HCS Navy was disbanded and joined the rebel faction of Xanadu, however his lack of ability soon saw him kicked out.

Anderson returned to the HCS where he begged to be returned to service, finally Captain Clone have him a staff role at GHQ, counting paperclips and the like.

Jimmy attack : Gibson arrested

Following the attack on Jimmy which has left him critically ill a special Dino task force has been set up under the command of Senator El Diablo. Following some investigations SS-Legate Gibson, the deputy head of the SS, was arrested. He had been the security officer for the speaking engagement where Jimmy was attacked. Telemetry analysis indicated that the anti-teleport field in place over the conference centre was switched off seconds before the attack allowing the sniper to teleport into an air vent overlooking the podium.

As security officer only Gibson had the means to switch off the field, though he has protested his innocence. Ronald has reduced the alert status to level 2. He told reporters that Jimmy would undergo another operation in a few days once he was strong enough, the bullet is thought to be still inside him, close to the brain.

Jimmy shot during speech

Emperor Jimmy has been shot by a sniper at a speech to the 3rd Legion. The incident occured earlier today at a conference centre in southern Dino-Town. The sniper is thought to have teleported into a ventilation shaft near to the podium and shot Jimmy at point blank range through the shaft grill before teleporting out again.

The Dino authorities are refusing to comment on the status of Jimmy, one newspaper has said he has been killed though some others are saying he is critically ill. Ronald was also present at the venue but was not shot at. The Dinos have begun a level 1 security alert across the empire. More news as we get it.

Update@22:27 : Emperor Ronald made an appearance on Dino TV in which he deplored the cowardly sniper. He said that Jimmy was seriously injured but the doctors were hopeful he would survive. A massive dinohunt has begun across Dino-Land with the entire army and SS mobilised.

Update@09:11 (Sunday) : The Dinos have reported that Emperor Jimmy is in a serious but stable condition following a 6 hour operation.

DDS Fleet update (Terran Sea et cetera)

The code audit of the Terran Sea EMS (Engine Management System) has been completed and the EMS is being tested. The DDS hope to roll out the new code to all Terran Sea frigates by mid-week and normal operations should be able to resume. The latest 2 ships to be completed will also be able to resume their fleet trials, as none-engine systems could still be tested while the ships were "grounded" the DDS is not expecting their entry into service to be delayed. November 15th has been pencilled in as the date they will enter service. The first Block 2 Terran Sea 3209 Yellow Sea is nearing completion and should enter trials by the end of november.

The first Pentekonter patrol ship 3501 Thucydides is also nearing completion, the DDS expect it to enter trials in december. The 3400 class long-range frigate will be known as the River class, not Explorer as previously stated. Work on the first ship is not due to start until the end of 2106.

Two more Provider transport ships have been completed and have entered service following trials those being 7909 Galaxy and 7910 Flying Boxcar. The DDS have decided to build another two. The ageing Cuba class transports will be withdrawn once these 2 extra ships have entered service. The first Marconi class EW ship 7351 Marconi has just entered trials.

Character of the week : Vodaphone

Vodaphone is the New DDS Director Of Communications and one of the deputies of Lord Rotarios, hail to thee! Vodaphone is the mouthpiece of the regime, using his impressive communication skills to keep the DDS On-Message. Vodaphone has been a long-time DDS member, his knowledge of communication technologies made him an ideal Field Comms Officer though he left the DDS as the war raged on due to lack of interest.

The Shiner bought Vodaphone back in, desperate for allies though ironically he doomed his own leadership. Vodaphone and Action Painting began to plot the demise of the Shiner regime which they saw as degenerate and unsuited to what the DDS required in the 22nd century. In Rotarios they saw the leader they needed. Vodaphone and Action Painting created the Hoods to destabilise the Shiner regime and then bring in Rotarios, hail to HIM! Who Him? Him Who? Him! Oh Him...

Lakes calls for elected leader

Lakes, the SS Commander and the leader of Veritas = Truth gave a speech to a rally of his party at Yavilanda City. He called for the post of Emperor to be abolished and to be replaced by an elected President. He said that the changes to the Dino command structure had not gone far enough and there should be full democracy.

"The people want a say but tyrants like Ronald and Jimmy wish to limit the say of the people! What are they afraid of? Perhaps they assume the people are too stupid to be trusted with the vote. I urge everyone to vote for Veritas = Truth, vote for us to show the degenerate leadership that they are the past and we are the voice of change!" Lakes told his audience of 86 party members.

Emperor Jimmy commented, "Lakes' tired soundbites seem to have come straight from M-B-H's quote library."

Update on the Terran Sea problem

The ship currently in the middle of a patrol has now resumed it after being given a new version of the EMS code that no longer has the dangerous bug. However the ship has been instructed to not exceed 700c for the rest of it's mission. The Pulsar on the Solaris-Proxima patrol has been replaced by a Starsystem from the training pool.

DDS Engineering say they have successfully fixed the problem in the EMS code and have nearly completed a full audit. The code should be ready for a full roll-out after testing is completed by tuesday. One happy side-effect is that the engineers were able to include some tweaks to the EMS from the Terran Sea Block 2 code and so the ships will be slightly faster!

Character of the week : Smellyson

Smellyson, the eldest son of Ronald, has for a long time been considered the heir to the Annoited One. A warrior of great skill Smellyson became head of the Emperor Special Bodyguard (ESBG) a.k.a. the Glory Boys. On several occaisions Smellyson showed command skill and courage which satisfied Ronald that his son would be a worthy emperor one day. Ronald appointed him the Minister of Defense.

But then Smellyson fell foul of M-B-H, in probably the worst way possible. Smellyson fell in love with a girl called Pheldira, not knowing that she was M-B-H's sister who had been off-planet for a time. When M-B-H found out he taunted Smellyson, accusing Smellyson of being gay and using his relationship with Pheldira as a proxy way of getting to his true love, M-B-H! The taunting worked and Smellyson tried to kill M-B-H, thus he found himself under arrest!

Smellyson was broken out of gaol by the Oojok Death Squad in a special deal between Ronald and Oojok and then he spent the next year in exile on Cloneworld and then later on Earth. Finally he was captured by M-B-H's forces but the Chosen One was defeated before he had a chance to kill Smellyson. In that time Smellyson and Pheldira split up, the pressures proving too great.

Smellyson was cleared of his crimes and restored to the ESBG command and will be Minister of Defense again with the new governing set-up. His stock has fallen somewhat but he is still a potential future leader for the Dinos. In recent weeks he has got back together with Pheldira and they have announced their engagement.

Jimmy announces further details of the new "senate"

Emperor Jimmy has given more details of the expanded 12 man "senate" along with their intended roles in the government. It is thought the body will be known as the Inner Circle though this has not been confirmed yet. The members are to be :

• Jimmy - Emperor
  
• Ronald - Protector
  
• G-B-H - Minister For Foreign Affairs
  
• Cruggson - Deputy Emperor
  
• El Diablo - Minister Of The Interior
  
• Smellyson - Minister Of Defense
  
• Spikeson - Minister Of Health & Social Services
  
• Zanus - Head Of Internal Security
  
• Lakes - Head Of The SS
  
• Ouranosaur - Head Of Armed Forces (Dino-Land)
  
• Razorback - Executive Officer
  
• Lassetrans - Head Of Armed Forces (Other Planets)

Ronald is thought to be planning to stand down by mid-december and the rest of the Inner Circle will then be in place.

Terran Sea class has software problems

The Terran Sea class, the current production type of frigate for the DDS, has had some problems discovered with it's software. This has forced the DDS to cease all operations with the 6 ships already in service and the 2 on trials. The problems have been found in the engine management software and potentially could cause the engine to exceed safety limits for heat when operating at maximum output. A DDS engineer said that if the problem had not been found a ship would have exceeded the limits sooner or later and the subsequent engine failure would be catastrophic.

The problem was found during testing of 3207 North Sea when the engine exceeded the heat safety limit. The engine was shut down immediately by the engineering staff. All ships have been "grounded" until a full audit of the EMS software is undertaken and the bugs discovered and remedied. One ship is on the middle of a patrol and has been instructed to hold station.

The loss of the ships from the available Patrol Pool has forced the DDS to reassign two frigates from the Combat Pool. Also a Pulsar cruiser has been assigned to the Proxima-Solaris patrol. The DDS say that the code audit should be completed by the end of the week and after testing the roll-out of the code to all Terran Sea frigates (which can be done remotely to ships not at port) by the mid-part of the week afterwards. The EMS of the Isometric class is different but the code for that is also being examined to see if any similar potential problems could occur.

Windy to do series of talks to young men

Windscorpion is to give a series of talks to new recruits across the DDS. Windscorpion will give his talks at the DDS HQ on Terra but recruits on Proxima 7, Solaris and Rathun's World will also watch via video. It is thought Windy will give the young men the benefit of his experience.

DDS comment on Benito's fleet

The New DDS held another media briefing today where they commented more on Benito's fleet which is now said to number 30 ships. "We believe he has 4 Soulaki battlecruisers which is a considerable force. Twelve of the ships we think are Cosmos cruisers." General Inept of MI told the media, "The rest of the fleet is a mixture of Molentic and Kalahati Tuul. We think more of the former than the latter. Overall its a decent fleet. We have unconfirmed reports of another Cosmos joining the Benito side too."

A battle between the fleets of Benito and the HCS is thought imminant.

Dr Menglez answers your questions

The head of DDS Medical Research Dr Menglez kindly took some time out of his busy schedule to answer your questions. The answers are below.

Anonymous asked " Hi Dr Menglez, may i call you Adolf?" (Nein.) "Do you agree that pain is merely a misunderstood pleasure?"

Dr Menglez : "Indeed it is a verrrry interesting idea, I wish to explore it with you..."

Strongix asked : " I must say i find you repulsive! You sir, are an evil boil on the anus of humanity and deserve to rot in Hell for eternity!"

Dr Menglez : "Danke mein Herr, you say the kindest things..."

Dr Probe asked : "Dear sir, i find your methods rather interesting. But is it true you have tried to transplant Clone body parts onto other alien species? Why? Isn't that a... tad... unethical?"

Dr Menglez : "Are you a doctor too ja? It is true i have explored this TO INCREASE MEDICAL KNOWLEDGE! Unethical? Why? All i did was put a clone head on the body of der dog. Vot is wrong with that?!"

Verna Yugok asked : " Why do you think over 50% of DDS medicial personnel specialise in mental health?"

Dr Menglez : "It is der highly stressful environment ja? With many... pressures..."

Anonymous asked : "I would like to know a little about your back ground and education. Also, I would like to hear about any work your doing in the mental health field Dr. What you relationship with the Mad Medic like and what do you think of his medicine?"

Dr Menglez : "I study at der unnamed Hospital und some universities i cannot mention... I like a hands on approach to... alien biological exploration... hehehe. Mental health ich der field of Dr Penis, so you can ask him! Der Mad Medic ich her dummkopf!"

DDS, Dinos report on the Benito uprising

In the virtual absense of official news from the clones the galaxy has been largely relying on the New DDS and Dino media for news on the Benito uprising on Austini 55. Director Of Communications Vodaphone gave his weekly media briefing earlier today and he said that 30 ships had now joined Benito's rebellion and they had surrounded Austini 55. A Loyalist fleet was on the way though and the DDS expected a confrontation within days.

The Dino News has reported that war is raging across Woloron 12 and that forces loyal to Benito are in the capital Ron. There has also been a skirmish in orbit between Loyalist and Benito ships. The Daily Dino reported 5 car bombs going off on Cloneworld, destroying RP offices in Ailier City, Beyond Micom and Arturia. All these events have been denied by the Clones.

Readers may also notice there has not been a entry from Legionary Cooly of the HCS for some time, we understand that he has been blocked from sending entries by the media blackout across the empire.

Character of the week : Chief Inspector Warkloz

Chief Inspector Warkloz is one of the most feared criminal inspectors in the bestial Religious Police, its said that even Oojok trembles a little in his presence...

The RP is the vanguard of the Clone Church, a mixture of military police, civilian police and secret police. Infidels and other undesirables are arrested, questioned and ... disposed of in their thousands. Warkloz is one of the top men. Its said he could get a confession from a corpse. A dark and unscrupilous soul, his fanatical zeal drives him on to punish all sinners.

However it may be his zealous nature is too much even for the RP, he has been sidelined in recent years as Akiwati has sought to rein back the excesses of his men. The empire is changing and the clones are becoming less fanatical to Oojok, with Warkloz around that could get worse.

Submit your questions to Dr Menglez!

The head of DDS Medical Research, Dr Menglez, has kindly agreed to answer any questions you may have for him on his work. Submit your questions below and the Doctor will answer them next week.

DDS announce new destroyers and losing some too

The DDS have announced they are to build a third Velocity class destroyer and also 2 extra Panther class destroyers. Building of the third Velocity will commence immediately and the ship, provisionally named Advance, should be ready to enter service towards the end of H1 2106. The extra 2 Panthers have been added to the existing order of 12.

However in the short term the number of destroyers in the DDS will be reduced as the DDS and New Arit Space Force have agreed a 405 million zark deal for 4 Intrepids. The ships will receive a minor refurbishment and refit (C-exam) and be transferred by the end of the year. All four ships have been removed from DDS service with immediate effect. The last remaining Intrepid, Relentless, has been redesignated a training ship but will not receive refurbishment and modification until next year.

Ronald steps down as Emperor

Following the decision by the Dino Elders to make changes to the Dino Empire's government one of the two Co-Emperors had to step down. Ronald held a media briefing earlier today where he said he would step down as Emperor by the end of the year. He said he looked forward to his new role as a member of the extended Senate. Deputy Emperor G-B-H has not yet decided if he will follow suit. The Elders made no decision about whether to keep 2 Deputies or just 1.

When asked why he had stood down and not Jimmy he said, "My family have been neglected all these years so its time for me so slow down and give my family more time with me! Jimmy also has been running the show defacto for so long its time he had the reins proper."

Ronald's second reign as Emperor began in 2099 after he slew the usurper One-Horn who had seized power from El Diablo. Before this Ronald was Emperor from 2052 to 2097 where serious injuries forced him to resign.

Ronald also announced the 12 members of the senate, these will be : Jimmy, Ronald, G-B-H, Cruggson, El Diablo, Smellyson, Spikeson, Zanus, Lakes, Ouranosaur, Razorback and Lassetrans. It is from the senate that future Emperors will be drawn therefore the likes of Smellyson and Razorback will be schooled by their elders in preparation for the time Jimmy stands down. However that is not expected as anytime soon!

UV91 : The Answer Is Death

The september-october issue comes with 5 earth-shattering stories. In "Fire Over Austini 55" Benito's uprising gets serious and Fortran himself comes into the firing line. On a more romantic note in "Dino Soap Opera" Smellyson is reunited with his love Pheldira and they have a surprise for Ronald. In "Beautiful Sunset" the Triad return to the old skool, don backpacks and kick clone ass... or are they? In "On The Rim" newcomer Caratore has to foil a Tarbotian raiding party, and finally in "Chaotic Messy" Z-B-H's group have to infiltrate the bestial SS...

Available from all drug stores on Proxima 7 and brothels of course. There are two more books scheduled for this year, UV 92 : Billions Of Crimes and the Windscorpion biography special UV 93 : The Way Of The Windscorpion.

Dino Elders vote for change

As commentators largely expected, the Dino Elders have voted for democratic change to the Dino State. Emperors Ronald and Jimmy announced the results of the vote today at a media briefing at GHQ. The Elders voted on a number of issues in a series of ballots and then held a final series of votes at the end of their meeting. The changes are summarised as :

• One Emperor will stand-down, its expected that Ronald will choose to do this
• The Senate will be increased to 12 members, future Emperors will be elected from this extended body. The membership will be announced later.
• A new elected body to replace the Elders, details of which to come later
• Extended democracy at the local level

Now the rush is on to form political parties, one party that already is on the ground is Lakes' Veritas = Truth party. Lakes gave a speech to party members after the media briefing where he told them it was prepare for government!

Character of the week : Horsehead

One word describes Horsehead : maniac! He is one of the fleet commanders but he commands by fear. He threatens his crew with instant death if they question his orders or make a mistake. To be assigned to Horsehead's team is not good for your stress levels.

Horsehead has been in the DDS for a long time and is a great warrior. He worships the Windscorpion who he sees as one day taking the DDS back into the Hell of Total War and drowning the ocean in a sea of blood. This is his dream and he hopes it will one day happen.

He also is quite keen on Rotarios who he thinks will also bring more violence to the DDS. Horsehead is loyal only to his plasma cannon.

DDS planning fleet re-organisation for 2107 / Fleet news roundup

The DDS Fleet is currently split into 3 commands, Strike, Patrol and Support commands. Strike Command is split into 4 fleets but the DDS are planning on changing this. Sometime in 2107 Strike Command will be renamed Combat Command and be split into 2 fleets A and B. Each fleet will consist of 10 cruisers and 10 escorts (probably 5 Panther and 5 Terran Sea or Isometric 3). Windscorpion and Sea Urchin will command these 2 fleets with Firefly and Horsehead as their deputies. The Orchid will move to take command of Patrol Command which comprises the rest of the combat vessels. These plans were outlined by The Orchid in a briefing to the media today though she did admit that 2107 was a long way off and plans could change.

In other news the last 2 Terran Sea Block 1 frigates have been completed and are now entering their trials. Its expected they will be available for Patrol Command's pool by mid-november. The first Pentekonter patrol craft has been "launched" (which in DDS terms means the reactor ignited and power grid energised). Engine testing has now begun and final fitting out shall take place during november. The ship will enter trials before the end of the year. Finally the final 4 Intrepids to be sold may be sold to New Arit in a 400 million zark deal though the Remedians are also keen, the DDS are expected to keep 2006 Relentless for it's training pool.

Dr Forbidden replies

The Head of DDS Research, Dr Forbidden, has kindly replied to your questions posed to him earlier this week.

North Korean Observer asked "Can you tell me your thoughts on the Dino's bubble shielding and do you think it will counter the effectiveness of your transphasic missile technology?"

Dr Forbidden : "Basically what the Dinos are working on is little mini-shields that wrap around an incoming missile. We are working on improving our targeting systems to enable our missiles to re-phase either inside the target or so close to the target that the Dinos cannot deploy a bubble. As with any weapon system there is always a continual race between the offense and defense sides."

Anonymous asked "What do you see happening to the Pulsar and Quasar classes? I heard a rumor about a second and improved block of Panthers. Also, any comments on their speed and firepower."

Dr Forbidden : "The Pulsar will receive a MULE3 update towards the end of the decade with a major rebuild around 2014. The Quasar ILU programme will be commencing in a year or so. We will keep our cruiser classes up to date. There are no plans for a second block of Panthers yet, we will reveal more details about our future destroyer in a media briefing next year."

Oily Maniac asked "Where do you see the DDS fleet in 20, 30 or 40 years time? Will we see ships the size of the Pentekonter but with a firepower of a fleet? Or will we see the return of the big ship?"

Dr Forbidden : "Its hard to tell but i think we have seen the end of the big ship now, the Panther is the future. No doubt smaller ships with massive firepower will be the roadmap for the forseeable future."

Captain Peter asked "Is it true the Pulsar and other modern ships are suffering from a bottleneck in tactical response now because the databus has not kept up with the technological advances in targetting and payload delivery. I read that in the recent battle against the Tarbotians the Pulsar's tactical sub-system could not keep up with the data being given it by the sensor array."

Dr Forbidden : "Yes and its a major problem we are urgently addressing. There is so much data flowing through the system now the data architecture of our ships is creaking. The Terran Sea introduced a new 1024-bit databus and we aim to upgrade other ships when they next receive updates."

Simon Webstar asked "When will the DDS be moving to wholly wireless control technology on their ships?"

Dr Forbidden : "Pulsar MULE2, Isometric IIU1 and Terran Sea have all introduced wireless control with a traditional fibre optic backup but with the TS Block 2 and new designs we will dispense with the wires. It brings a major cost saving and increases internal volume dramatically."

Finally Anonymous asked "I am currently studying chemistry at Wolverhampton University on Terra, i'd love to join DDS Research when i graduate! Is it possible?"

Dr Forbidden : "No."

RP launch brutal crackdown on Benito blogs

Following the Benito uprising the Clone internet has been buzzing with rumour and counter-rumour. Blogging has flourished, one report even said 100 new blogs on Benito and the uprising were being created every day across the empire. Now the RP have had enough. Over ten thousand people have been arrested (mostly young men) for starting websites and blogs on Benito. Sixty ISPs have been shut down and their staff also arrested. It is rumoured that all are receiving a brutal whipping by RP men before being hurled into punishment batallions to perform back-breaking toil for Oojok!

One ISP was even destroyed by an airstrike after barrackading itself in a remote server farm room on Randalf 74. This has not stopped the spread of news though, which Clones are desperate for as the official news media have largely not reported the events. A new wave of blogs, written by anonymous users hiding their locations has started up. But RP hackers are busy at work destroying the blogs as fast as they arrive. Its an endless job.

DDS update media on latest Tarbotian skirmish

The New DDS has corrected some details of the latest skirmish with the Tarbotians out near New Arit. The ship in question was an Isometric class ship not an Intrepid as previously stated. The SS Jurassic, under command of Caratore, received moderate damage and has already returned to a DDS depot at New Arit for repairs.

Former DDS member The Cleanser did make the rescue but the New DDS said he will not be returning to colours.

Submit your questions to Dr Forbidden!

The Head of DDS Research, Dr Forbidden, has kindly agreed to answer questions posed to him by the readers of Latest Victory News! If you have any questions on DDS weapons and technological development and policy please add them below and we will present them to Dr Forbidden later this month!

Benito's rebellion enters space

The Dino News (which is usually on the ball with this kind of thing) has reported that the first space battle between HCS warships loyal to Oojok and Benito has taken place near Woloron 12. Three Benito ships (thought to be all Kalahati Tull 2s) were attacked by 5 HCS ships as the Benito ships approached Woloron 12. The Benito ships were chased off, none of the ships on either side was seriously damaged.

The rebellion on Woloron 12 is increasing, though Benito forces on the planet are thought to be outnumbered by Oojok loyalists.

In other news three bomb blasts rocked Beyond Micom, the second city on Cloneworld. A HCS spokesman said Benito terrorists were behind the attacks on a HCS recruitment office and the homes of two Generals. It is thought General Utren-Ulim was killed by one of the blasts. He was the commander of a notable panzer division of the 3rd Legion.

Character of the week : Jimmy

Jimmy, now the Co-Emperor of the Dinos with Ronald, has for a long time been one of the key men in the empire yet often has been away from the headlines. Jimmy rose quickly through the ranks of the army, being a skilled, brave and intelligent soldier. By the time of the dying days of Juliawaki's regime he was commander of the 6th Legion.

When Juliawaki's weakness allowed SS Commander Telavason to seize power and he had Ronald arrested Jimmy immediately saw that things had to change. He led his 6th Legion to a titanic battle with the SS which left his legion reduced to a few hundred survivors. After Ronald took over Jimmy was promoted to Senator and became the Minister of the Interior (the 6th Legion became the vanguard of the Emperor and remained at 200 strong).

Thus Jimmy basically ran the empire while Ronald and G-B-H had adventures across the galaxy, his role was largely unseen but vital. When Ronald took his extended leave from the empire (in which he created the DDS) he left the empire in Jimmy's hands, knowing it to be safe.

When M-B-H was overthrown Jimmy was the ideal choice to become Co-Emperor, indeed many said that Jimmy had been defacto Co-Emperor for decades. Strangely though since his election Jimmy has become much higher profile, differing with Ronald on his vision for the future of the empire. Jimmy however remains one of Ronald's closest allies and friends.

Living the dream for a third glorious year!

Lord Rotarios, oh how wonderous is he, outlined the theme for the third anniversary of his election as DDS Commander early next month. The theme this year is "Living the dream" and symbolises how a hard and spartan existance without the distractions of fun and enjoyment but with the joys of endless toil and self-actualisation is a paradise for all right-minded professionals.

Lord Rotarios continued by saying he would develop this theme during the third year of his glorious 1000 year Reich. "I want the New DDS to be a dreamworld for professionals." He said, "Right actions not wrong thoughts. The New DDS turns professionals into square pegs for square holes, not the deviance of round holes."

Vodaphone added, "The New DDS is an Anvil of Opportunity upon which the indecision of unprofessionalism is broken by the Hammer of Choice and taken away to be cooled in the Waters of Achievement by the Tongs of Self-Development!"

Ronald reveals date of Dino Elder vote/comments on HCS

In a brief interview with Dino News Ronald revealed that the Dino Elders will be voting next tuesday in a secret ballot to decide the future shape of the empire. The result should then be known before the end of the week. An expanded senate, elected Elders and a single Emperor are expected to be voted for though Ronald said it was not a good idea to predict how the Elders might vote as they sometimes do the unexpected. When asked if he would stand down if the Elders voted for a single head of state Ronald did not reply directly but said he would be making some decisions about his future soon.

Ronald also commented on the HCS accusations that the Dinos are assisting Benito. He said that the Dinos own large stakes in the Clone economy and the Dino army is reliant on HCS AFVs. It therefore was not in the Dinos interest for the Oojok Star Empire to be in civil war and these accusations were nonsense he said.

HCS accuse Dinos of assisting Benito

The Dinos have reacted angrily to the accusations of Ayatollah Akiwati, the Clone spiritual leader, that the Dinos are assisting Benito's rebellion. Akiwati said that the Dino army officer The Dragon was a member of Benito's staff and had arranged the execution of several loyalist officers and other terrorist acts.

Deputy-Emperor Cruggson said in a statement to Dino News 24, "The Dragon is no longer a Dino army officer and hasn't been for over a year. To accuse us of helping Benito just because an ex-officer is assisting him is nonsense. Why doesn't he accuse the HCS of helping Benito because many HCS personnel are in his staff? The Clone's accusation is beneath contempt."

The Dragon is known in some circles as the "Dino Megara", a fixer who people use to perform unconventional operations. It is thought he was behind the murder of Air Marshal Bee Liar last year on Austini 55.

Character of the week : Marcus Totallyuseless

Marcus Totallyuseless is aptly named, hes a bumbling oaf. As second-in-command to the Governor of Austini 55 Marcus has influence and power but never any respect. He also wears the uniform of a Roman Centurion for some reason. His stupidity has given him few enemies though, when Benito was replaced by Fortran Marcus was retained despite his links to the old regime, he was simply regarded as not a threat.

A serious mistake to make as Marcus' loyalty to Benito was undiminished. Behind the scenes Marcus assisted the Benito resistance, despute being a craven coward. Marcus even killed Fortran when Benito launched his rebellion. Now Marcus is Benito's No. 2. Can Marcus' lack of any real talent assist Benito or be a hinderance? We'll have to wait and see.

DDS confirm new skirmish with the Tarbotians

Director of Communications Vodaphone today confirmed that a DDS warship had encountered 3 Tarbotian ships near New Arit. Vodaphone said that the ship, an unnamed Intrepid class destroyer had been following the Tarbotians when it encountered problems with it's cloak. It was then chased by the Tarbotians and was unable to outrun them.

However another DDS ship* arrived and chase off the Tarbotians. No lives are reported to have been lost though a number were injured.

* A Dino online news blog has reported that the rescue was made by former DDS member The Cleanser and his crew of privateers. When Vodaphone was asked if this was the case he declined to answer.

Lakes launches blistering attack on the Dino government

Lakes, the SS Commander, has used a conference by his political party Veritas = Truth to launch a blistering attack on the Dino government which he called "unelected, unrepresentative and underwhelming!" With the Dino Elders expected to recommend partial democracy and an expanded senate Lakes has decided to begin his political campaigning for elections which could occur before the end of the year.

"The tired status quo is about to collapse!" he told a group of Veritas party workers, "The people no longer wish to be told what to do by an oligarchy, they want their voice! They want the truth!"

Emperor Ronald declined to comment on Lakes' speech, he simply said that soon the people would have their say and he was confident they "would be able to sort the wheat from the chaff".

First Isometric IIU1 updates completed

The first two Isometric Intermediate Update 1s (IIU1) have been completed and the ships, Cambrian and Eocene have returned to service. The DDS Fleet have reported they are very happy with the upgrade which includes improved sensors, communications and weapons. Another change, little reported up until now, is a major update of the Isometric's mainframe's operating system. This apparently has yielded major improvements in system response time.

3106 Carboniferous (which also has received a refit following it's long mission against the Rectoids) and 3118 Quaternary are now undergoing the update. The DDS hope that all the Isometric fleet will be at IIU1 standard by the end of the year.

HCS deny space craft have joined Benito

A HCS Space Navy spokesman today denied press reports in the Dino and UNP media that several HCS warships have joined Benito's uprising. This media briefing took place at the HCS liaison office at DDS GHQ, any reports of the uprising have been blocked in the empire.

According to the Proxima Star three ships of the HCS Eastern Fleet have joined Benito's side and have entered orbit around Austini 55 chasing away the 2 ships that were there. One of the rebel ships is said to be a Soulaki battlecruiser. LVN has learned from an unnamed source that 2 other HCS ships have stopped responding to HCS calls and have turned their telemetry beacons off. The Dino News reports of a skirmish between a rebel HCS warship and a loyalist one in orbit around Woloron 12.

Meanwhile on Austini 55 Benito has continued to make pronoucements though the HCS are blocking him from broadcasting to the empire. Benito knows, however, that 100s of blogs and websites across the empire are relaying his message.

META : Future specials, Schedule for next year

The first "seasonal special" was UV90 which was dedicated to Ronald of course. The next one (the winter special) will be dedicated to the life of Windy. The book, probably UV93, will be called THE WAY OF THE WINDY and will feature a number of stories from Windy's past life, including one set just before he joined the DDS.

After the january-february 2006 issue we hope to revert to a monthly frequency. This will be as well as 4 specials released around april, july, october and december. Whatever happens we will reach UV100 next year and this will be something a little special...

We arn't sure yet what the subjects of next year's specials will be though the Winter 06 special (either UV102 or 108 depending on the release frequency) will be volume 2 of Ronald's stories. We may also dedicate a book on G-B-H and one on Firefly. Anyway before all that UV91 THE ANSWER IS DEATH is due out at the end of october, stay tuned...

Character of the week : Salamander

Salamander is one of the Triad, the elite trio at the centre of DDS offensive operations. He is a cousin of Windscorpion and Firefly, and one bizarre fuck. Salamander's life revolves around his pet chainsaw (which he refers to as his girlfriend), spying on fat girls working at B&Q (he likes the aprons) and ultra violence. Salamander is a good soldier but not exactly the brain of the universe.

Salamander is not as tech as his cousins, his favoured weapon is a grenade launcher but he prefers to use the chainsaw. Usually these days he does his fighting onboard ship, despite his weirdness he is a top notch helmsman. The Triad would not be complete without Salamander, with his irrelevant air he often defuses tension between Windy and Firefly, and they both enjoy making him the butt of their rough humour.

Apparently he wears women's underwear under his metal suit.

Smellyson and Pheldira to marry

The son of Emperor Ronald, Smellyson Iguana and the daughter of Deputy Emperor G-B-H, Pheldira Gola are to marry, a government spokesman confirmed last night after much media speculation. The couple have had a troubled relationship, mainly because of Pheldira's brother M-B-H and his evil schemes to kill Ronald and Smellyson. After a period of exile away from Dino-Land Smellyson and Pheldira split up, citing the strain of the exile period.

However now they are back together, though no date has yet been set for their wedding. Ronald said, "I am very happy my son has finally sorted his life out." Smellyson, the head of the elite Emperor Special Body Guard (ESBG) was given the traditional celebration by his men. He was unceremonially dumped in the nearest fountain by a group of ESBG.

House update

Hello folks Trojan Warlord here again with a mid-month DDS House competition update!

The champion house Yellow House have been busy, they earnt 50 points for a successful trial program of the Isometric TSB2. The Isometric prototype was refitted with requipment for the forthcoming Terran Sea Block 2 and was rigourously tested out by New Arit. Yellow House units have also been patrolling the area of space near the battle with the Tarbotians.

Blue House have taken over the control of Porquat 640 and have earnt 25 points so far for quelling an uprising in the Hex province.

Green House have been reassigned to Randalf 74, so far they have only won 10 points for a training mission with the Raegris in their newly purchased Quasars.

Finally Red House have earnt no points at all! Much of them are resting before their new mission which is likely to be against the Xeno.

Massive explosion cuts off Cloneworld from rest of empire

A massive explosion has destroyed Cloneworld's lasernet multiplex thus cutting the planet off from all interstella communications. As yet the cause of the explosion is unknown though terrorism has not been ruled out by the HCS. The news was broken by the Dinos, who have a low-power lasernet transmitter at their embassy in Ailier City.

The HCS have asked the Dinos if they can use this transmitter for emergency communications until enough HCS warships are in place to form what has been called a "digital pontoon bridge" to relay short-range messages to the nearest lasernet node on Daggaddon.

Its thought the lasernet multiplex could be out of action for several days.

Ronald to be a father again?

A Dino tabloid newspaper is reporting that Holisai Iguana, the wife of Ronald and Royal Matriach is pregnant again. It is only a couple of years since the birth of the couple's first daughter Crystal. Previously the couple have waited a long time between children, the three sons Smellyson, Stinkyson and Ronaldson being both decades apart. Indeed Ronaldson is 50 this year.

There will be another royal birth before this though if Holisai is pregnant. Co-Emperor Jimmy's wife Sandra is expected to lay her egg before the end of the year.

Benito conducts interview with Dino TV

The HCS have restored the media blackout on Austini 55 though were too late for news of fighting on Woloron 12 to emerge. Benito Clone conducted an interview with the Dino news channel E'Ratimn TV, an edited transcript of which is below :

Dino Reporter : Benito Clone, how much of Austini 55 do you control?

Benito Clone : All the major cities. Bueno.

DR : The HCS have re-inforcements in orbit, does that worry you?

BC : No, we have air superiority so they cannot land. Soon the space fleet will join the rebellion!

DR : Woloron 12 has also seen fighting, and there are unconfirmed reports on other planets. Are you behind these too?

BC : Not directly but they heeded my call to arms! Oojok and the degenerate regime that surrounds him must fall! Clones should be governed by themselves, not a false idol. I call upon all Clones to defy the HCS, the Clergy and Oojok! Let the rule of Clone Law prevail!

DR : Finally, what happened to Governor Fortran?

BC : He is dead. My deputy Marcus slew the fool, i celebrated with a whole bottle of chianti!

HCS admit they have lost control on Austini 55

The HCS have been forced to admit that forces loyal to Benito Clone have seized control of Austini 55 and now uprising are sparking on other planets too. Some time ago we reported rebel forces loyal to Benito starting an uprising but the HCS put a media blackout over the area. Finally they have been forced to comment after Benito managed to broadcast to nearby planets using Austini's laserlink.

Benito said that the capital had fallen and that Governor Fortran had been killed. He called on all clones to oppose and otherthrow the forces of Oojok. The HCS say that the 2nd Legion is in revolt and has control of the capital and several other major cities but that battles continue across the planet. Reinforcements have arrived and are now in orbit.

More news as we get it.

Characters of the week : The Cabal

The Cabal were a shadowy evil cult which gave Ronald some of the biggest challenges of his life. A cult that recruited using abstract art and controlled it's adherants using drugs, the cult was basically a cover for a select group led by the former Emperor Juliawaki which groomed young boys and then used them for sex. One of these victims was Ronald's youngest son Ronaldson!

The Cabal wanted to bring about the fall of Ronald's regime and bring about a womanless future for the Dinos, however Ronald rescued his son and slew Juliawaki. Strong Cabal elements remained however and these were seized by M-B-H to assist his plans for a coup. Using their mind control powers the Cabal brainwashed criminals into a series of suicide bomb attacks across Dino-Land which allowed M-B-H the pretence of getting SS and Army forces loyal to him on the streets.

The coup failed and M-B-H was lost but the Cabal regrouped, this time the Rectoids took up the reins, taking over the leadership. The Cabal began a plot to detonate huge nuclear weapons deep underground causing earthquakes. Ronald led his forces to foil this plan and finally the Cabal was crushed utterly. The effects of the Cabal remain though, not least in the victims of their abuse who still now suffer the torment of their treatment.

Starsystem ends front-line service

An era ends tomorrow in the DDS as the last patrol by a Starsystem frigate is completed. The ship 3020T PISCIS AUSTRALIS is coming to the end of a 4 month patrol along the Remedia-Dino border. When it arrives back at Solaris Space Dock tomorrow it will leave front-line service and join the 5 other Starsystem survivors in the training fleet.

Captain Ivan Cystitis said he and his crew would be sad to say goodbye to their old ship, which has been in service since 2097, but they also looked forward to retaining for their next ship, a Terran Sea Block 2 frigate!

Starsystems have been in service since the earliest days of the DDS fleet, the type entering service in 2093. However the fast pace of technology has made these ships obsolete. 6 will remain in the DDS' training pool.

DDS Fleet update (IIU1 begins)

A round-up of news from the DDS Space Navy. The IIU1 (Isometric Intermediate Update 1) has begun with 3101 Cambrian and 3112 Eocene having the update whilst at dock in orbit around Solaris. The IIU1 programme just takes 5 days and includes improved sensors, missile launcher, software and equipment updates. All the Isometric fleet will be updated to IIU1 standard by the end of the year.

The 2 Velocity class destroyers are also to receive an update, the Velocity Update 1 (VU1) programme includes improvements to missile launcher, sensors and a new databus. Both ships will be updated in october.

The Isometric 3 frigate may be renamed yet again, the DDS are considering changing the name of this ship that will begin construction in 2107 though as yet have not said what they will use instead of "Battle".

The first Pentekonter class patrol boat has been proceeding well in construction and may even be completed before the end of the year. 3501 Thucydides will begin trials early next year and it is hoped to enter service by Q2 2106.

Finally the last 2 Terran Sea Block 1 frigates have entered the testing stage of construction. 3207 North Sea and 3208 Barents Sea will probably be officially named and enter service in october. The next Terran Sea frigate 3209 Yellow Sea is the first of the Block 2 batch.