Hello I am Knobhead, second in command to Horsehead. I have been in the DDS for a long time, and avoided death despite spending most of that time under Horsehead's command. The DDS have decided it would be good for a top DDS soldier to do a regular column for Latest Victory News. I was given the choice of death by impaling or writing this column. But you know what the army is like, ask for one thing and get the other.Its currently a quiet time in the DDS. Horsehead spends most of the day watching his specialist porn library (mostly films of huge butch lesbians violently penetrating young girls with massive strap-ons), that and bullying the men. He often asks us a trick question, with the aim of killing us if we get it wrong. Any questioning of his orders he takes as mutiny and of course the penalty for that is death, instantly. When i leave the DDS i'll probably do something less dangerous like juggling atomic bombs or something.
We are on a low-alert status overall however there is the problem of piracy in the Oscar area. Of course Horsehead has a strategy for tackling the pirates that involves a saturation nuclear strike of Oscar, New Jakarta, Zoneland and about half a dozen other planets. Luckily he tends to get ignored on matters of strategy...
Let me tell you more about our set-up. Horsehead commands the 4th fleet which is based at Rathun's World. Our area of responsibility is the DDS South district that stretches from Rathun's World to Starbot. Yes we have to co-operate with those geeky Starbotians and the loser King Rathun. Its a struggle. Since the demise of the Rectoids its been very quiet here and i know that has made Horsehead very very edgy...
