Fleet news roundup : Provider, Rome, Remedians

The 20th example of the Provider class transport will be known as Spruce Goose and not Cub as previously listed. The ship will still be allocated to the Remedians however. The ship will probably not be constructed until late 2108 though so these details could change again!

The first example of the Rome class OPV is currently in construction (being built alongside the last Pentekonter). The DDS have announced that tests with it's engine have been positive (it has an uprated version of the engine in the Pentekonter) and the ship will now have a top speed of 600c.

Recently the DDS and Remedian Navy have held a joint study into what to replace the Remedian fleet of Kalahati Tuuls with once they reach their end of lives in around 10 years time. The DDS considered rebuilding the ships to give them 10-15 years more service but it was considered wasteful as the ships would be expensive to de-obsolete. The preferred option at the moment is that the DDS will give the Remedians the Isometric class frigate fleet and build new frigates for DDS service. The Isometric is due for an ILU programme in around 2109 but this may be delayed to merge in with the probably MULE update in the late 2110s. In Remedian service the ships would not need to be quite as up-to-date as in DDS service so the DDS could save money in updating the Isometrics (probably using technology from the Terran Sea ILU which would probably be occurring around then).

What would replace the Isometrics in DDS service is unknown but a DDS spokeswoman said it was likely the DDS would go for a design similar to the Terran Sea.

DDS Christmas Quiz (2106 edition)

OK Christmas is coming and Windy is ready to get his presents... so how clued up have you been in the crazy DDS Universe this year? Take this quiz to find out!

1) Our 100th issue UV100 featured the rise of what?
a) The Hoods
b) Windy's penis
c) Price of fish

2) What did conspiracy nutjob Goodson discover evidence of?
a) A massacre called by Ronald
b) Defects in the reactor core of DDS ships
c) DDS involved in crime

3) What did the Rectoids plan to do to defeat the DDS once and for all?
a) Biogenic attack on Proxima
b) Go back in time and prevent the evolution of humans
c) Massive military attack

4) Who was made Deputy SS Commander to keep an eye on Lakes?
a) Z-B-H
b) Gibson
c) Razorback

5) What did Future Guy do after Ronald beheaded Megara to replace the ex-HCS agent?
a) Create a robot Megara
b) Clone Megara
c) Bring in a female Megara from another timeline

6) Which of the following recruits did not make it to the end of recruit school as he couldn't do a space walk?
a) Louis
b) Krusty
c) El Radigol

7) How was Windy rewarded for defeating the Rectoids?
a) DDS Medal Of Honour
b) Being able to shoot paintballs up Quarz's arse
c) Sex with the 1st DDS Space Marines Brigade, all of them

8) XE's terrorist group is called?
a) Return Of The Eye
b) Soldiers Of Oojok
c) Sword Of Truth

9) Who got married in 2106?
a) Smellyson & Pheldira
b) Quarz & Deliate Flower
c) Ronald & Holisai

10) What does Quarz call his Pentekonter OPV?
a) SS Brasidas
b) SS Death Trap
c) SS Certain Death

So how did you do? The answers are below but don't forget people who peek will be punished... There are 10 questions so it shouldn't require advanced mathematics to work out your percentage so Deal Or No Deal...

0-30% - The Banker owns your ass
31-50% - You dealt on 5K and your box held 250K, idiot
51-70% - Congratulations you got 100K, now buy me a beer
71%+ - The Banker is your bitch

ANSWERS :
1A 2A 3B 4A 5C 6A 7B 8C 9A 10B

DDS get 6 new ships but lose 1

At a big ceremony at Proxima Space HQ Lord Rotarios (hail to his polished helmet!) accepted no less than 6 new ships into the DDS fleet (though one will be operated by the Remedians). Firstly is Terran Sea frigate 3217 Flores Sea, the last Terran Sea Type B. From next year production will be of the Type C. Also the latest batch of Pentekonters, 3516 Cleon 3517 Pausanias 3518 Leonidas and 3519 Herodotus. Now just one remains to be completed to finish the Pentekonter class. Construction of the follow-on Rome class has now begun.

The latest Provider class transport 7913R Liberator Express was also accepted though this will join the Remedian fleet. It remains owned by the DDS however. Regretfully the DDS has had to withdraw a ship also. Coril class shuttle 8101V Charlotte, which was one of the oldest ships remaining in the fleet (purchased in 2094 though was built by the Tarbotians in 2079), suffered structural failure in dock due to expired life. The DDS decided it was not economic to repair the ship. All other Corils are being examined for fatigue as such a failure in operation could well have been catastrophic to the crew.

Crickson on Deal Or No Deal and wins... 1 zark

SS Stormtrooper and reality TV "star" Crickson has managed to extend his 15 minutes of fame by a few more seconds by appearing on Dino Deal Or No Deal. Somehow Crickson managed to make himself more hated than the Banker! He ended up turning down an offer for thousands of zarks because he was sure his box contained more money. It contained 1 zark. The loser.

M-B-H released and pardoned... by himself

Despite his millions of crimes M-B-H was able to walk away from SS HQ a free Dino. Lakes correctly pointed out that under Dino Law M-B-H was still Emperor and thus had the power of pardon. He promptly pardoned himself! No longer wanted under any crime M-B-H was immediately released from custody by the SS much to the disgust of Ronald.

M-B-H has joined VERITAS = TRUTH, the party formed by Lakes. Although in a few days his Emperorship will expire M-B-H has set his sights on becoming a Consul. He has appointed himself a Senator when the Emperorship expires. Ronald froze all powers of the Emperorship (including his own) to prevent M-B-H making any more decrees.

M-B-H will have to be careful after january 1st however, as he will be no longer Emperor he will not be immune from prosecution anymore. He has promised a clean fight in the politics of the new Republic though no one believes that for a second of course.

UV107 : Beyond The Book Barons

Prepare thyself for the last regular series UV of the year, a bowel shattering collection of stories. In Men Expert Quarz is forced to battle the Utrek in his untrusty ship SS Death Trap. In On The Edge a Kenora class cruiser wreck is sought for by the DDS but have the Zones got there already? In New Vanguard Windy returns to Cloneworld to secretly watch the test of a new HCS ABM system.

Finally in Temporal Assassin Ronald turns the tables on Future Guy and traps him... who turns out to be M-B-H! UV107 is available in all cute girl's makeup boxes this christmas. Stay tuned for the winter special at the end of the year UV108 More Chronicles Of Ron!

Future Guy is... M-B-H

"Future Guy" has been captured the Dino Army has announced. The mysterious temporal criminal who has been attempting to kill Ronald has been unveiled as former-Emperor M-B-H! The Chosen One was seized when he was trapped at SS GHQ. Although its been several years since the dissappearance (and assumed death) of M-B-H when his Dinomark flew into a sub-space hole he has only aged 5 months since then according to reports.

M-B-H has been placed under arrest though his ex-acolyte SS-Commander Lakes has said that M-B-H is still officially an Emperor and thus should be immune from any criminal charges.

Character of the week : M-B-H

The self-styled Chosen One was thought to be missing in action but has been unveiled as "Future Guy" (see news story) and is now in custody.

M-B-H is the son of G-B-H, Ronald's best friend and deputy, and a promising career looked destined for M-B-H as he rose to Tribune in the army. However M-B-H grew impatient and annoyed as he saw people like Smellyson overtake him in the pecking order. He thought that he would never reach what he saw as his rightful place : the Emperorship. Therefore M-B-H began a secret campaign to destabilise Ronald. He colluded with the ABBOs and Terrasaurs to put the Dinos under full-stretch then tried to have Ronald killed. His plan failed and M-B-H was uncovered as a traitor. But he managed to escape and became a fugative.

M-B-H joined the HCS and soon became one of Oojok's most valued lieutenants. He eventually was made one of the "Kings" when Oojok tried splitting the Clone Empire into 4 Kingdoms. M-B-H still aspired to the Dino Emperorship though and tried to kill Ronald again. His plan was thought to have succeeded and M-B-H became Emperor after the election (with typical Dino logic even a traitor like M-B-H can be considered the right man for the job). However when Ronald was found to be not dead the Dino Empire was forced to become a dual-Emperorship as M-B-H was legally the monarch also.

M-B-H now bored of being in the HCS and was kicked out by Oojok but was not really bothered. Now he plotted to dispose of Ronald so he could rule on his own. He attempted a coup using the SS but his plans failed and he was forced to flee. M-B-H dissappeared in a subspace accident and was thought lost but instead was catapulted into the far future. He was saved by a time tourist from the 42nd century who arrived in M-B-H's time period by mistake. He showed M-B-H how to operate his timeship (and M-B-H thanked him by marooning him on the desolate future Dino-Land where he could be raped to death by giant horny centipedes). M-B-H attempted to destroy Ronald using his time technology but failed again.

So is M-B-H really the Chosen One or really a jealous loser? There is no doubt he is a highly dangerous individual with a good line in cutting remarks. His ruthlessless knows no bounds and he is twisted by unbridled ambition. There is no doubt that the Chosen One will continue in his quest to seize power until his death!

HCS Navy raid museum for submarine!

The HCS Navy is going to have to wait until the next decade for any submarines which gives them a real problem with respect to training. They have decided to rectify this by leasing back an ex-navy submarine from a private marine museum in Old Koroky, Micom. The Tinfish SSK (SS-14) was once part of an 8 strong fleet that patrolled the shores of Cloneworld's continent but was withdrawn following the disbanding of the old Clone Navy.

The submarine was kept in working order by the museum however and has been used for trips for businessmen and the like. The HCS Navy have leased the submarine back for 5 years with an option of another 5 years for 6 million zarks. As part of the lease deal the submarine will be refurbished into combat order by the HCS Navy. The submarine has been designated CNS Tinfish and will begin training missions by next summer.

HCS Navy discussed

The Head of Development of the New Clone Navy (HCSN) Admiral V. Phoebus has held a briefing with defence journalists and detailed the final formation of the 1st Fleet of the new navy. He said that 6 destroyers, 6 frigates and 12 submarines (6 SSN and 6 SSK) would eventually form the protection for the aircraft carrier CNS Cloneworld. A second carrier would be built also at a later date. Currently the carrier, 3 frigates and 2 destroyers are under construction (and 1 frigate is already in service).

Phoebus said that the problem with shipyard capacity would be solved when a large new shipyard opened on the eastern coast of Ailier in 2108. He hoped to have the full fleet up and running by 2112 with limited fleet operations from 2109. A second fleet for Aquaworld would also be built with construction starting of that by the end of this decade. A third fleet operating in the western and southern oceans of Cloneworld was planned for the 2120s.

Phoebus said the new frigates were based on the Ailier singleton class but were larger with a 48 cell VLS instead of 32 on CNS Ailier.

New HCS Navy officially formed

The HCS Navy has been officially accepted into the HCS at a ceremony at the northern Ailier coastal port of Reuilla. As part of the ceremony the first ship of the new navy, the frigate CNS Ailier was accepted into service. Ailier is not a new ship but the last surviving ship of the old Clone Navy that was withdrawn when the navy got rid of it's blue water assets and became a coastal and river patrol arm of the HCS some years ago. Ailier, due to it's nearly new condition, was put into storage. It has been refurbished and returned to working order and had it's systems and armament updated.

Three new frigates, two destroyers and an aircraft carrier are currently being built. Two transport ships and three oilers have been transferred to the navy from the merchant reserve. All vessels and personnel of the HCS Riverine Fleet (HCSRF) including 6 Triona class OPVs will be transferred in the new year.

40 Ex-Naval F-40Ns have also been returned to the HCS Navy to form a land based regiment at Ailier North AFB which has been transferred to the navy. All 6 anti-shipping regiments equipped with A-19Bs have been transferred to the navy (though will continue to be based at HCSAF bases except for the squadron at Ailier North AFB) from the HCSAF as have three transport and communiations regiments.

Admiral Alias, the new head of the HCS Navy (HCSN), said that all plans were proceeding well and the first full fleet deployment was still on course for 2110. The first HCSN fleet will be based in the northern ocean that has seen much pirate and rebel activity over the last decade. Alias said that operations against the pirates would begin in the new year.

HCS Intel : Future HCSAF Airpower

This time in Dr Forbidden's HCS Intelligence Reports he looks at the future of HCS air power.

The HCSAF was neglected for a long time but last year finally got a big budget increase and it will continue to get new investment for the next few years. The HCSAF has been able to afford new versions of some of it's key aircraft like the A-84 but what future shapes will we see ?

The HCSAF, like other arms of the HCS, has been rationalising it's unwieldly mix of types over the last few years. It has settled on a core of a few proven types and is likely to continue development of these. A prime example is the COIN fleet. Once the HCSAF had about 5 different types, many modified suicide planes. Now the withdrawal of these inadequate types is well advanced and the HCSAF has settled on a fleet of around 3500 A-85 Brownings. The HCSAF has just announced that the last 500 A-22 Boxers (modified suicide planes) will be withdrawn by 2109, being replaced by new build A-85Ns. 400 of the oldest A-85s will also be replaced by this new varient.

The A-85N has a new wing with 2 extra hardpoints (bringing it up to 8) and the wing is stronger to allow a heavier weaponload. The engine has also been uprated. The fuselage has had a 10cm plug to allow for a larger fuel tank. Avionics have been upgraded too. Of course several hundred A-85s are currently being updated to the covert strike NA-85Q standard.

The big mystery with the HCSAF is the F-46 and what exactly it is. Some say its an air-superiority fighter others that its a ground attack aircraft. It looks like the latter is going to turn out as correct. Current intelligence points to the F-46 being an attack optimised F-45. To replace the pathetic F-42 interceptor the HCSAF are looking at an upgraded F-45. The F-45C will have a longer range and better radar for BVR intercepts.

One of the key parts of the early HCSAF was the A-20 bomber. A crude but effective bombtruck that gave the DDS a lot of trouble. Since the withdrawal of the A-20 however the HCSAF have lacked such a type. Finally it looks like there could be a replacement, the XB-86 project is said to be a supersonic bomber based on the C-486 transonic transport. The B-86 will be able to deploy standoff weapons and dumb bombs in low-intensity operations (i.e. dropping tons of TNT on rebellious peasants). The B-86 could enter service early in the next decade.

Character of the week : Truman

Truman is the deputy to Sea Urchin. After several years of generally mediocre performance Truman has finally blossomed as someone almost totally useless instead of utterly useless. With a lot of hard work and training he may achieve his ambition and become slightly useless. A key to his transformation has been the realisation is that he is not the worst. He has now Rubick Cube Warrior to victimise. RCW is a moron of the lowest order so Truman can now feel superior.

When Sea Urchin was injured Truman took over the running of the fleet. So far its still intact amazingly. Truman is a robot, his creation shrouded in mystery (probably due to shame). Its thought that a Sinclair Spectrum is used as his CPU though this may be a malicious rumour.

Osprey publish book on the DDS!

Finally Osprey have produced a book on real interesting weapons and not 1950s RAF ambulances (a topic only of interest to weirdos like the Book Barons)! The book (volume 97410 of the New Vanguard series) details DDS heavy cruisers like the Pulsar, Quasar and Kenora and will be published in early 2107.

Sea Urchin update

Sea Urchin has been moved off life support but remains in intensive care after he was badly injured in a battle with the Zones. He was shot in the chest by an armour piercing missile, luckily his battle suit managed to prevent most of the damage otherwise Sea Urchin would have been blown in half. "It'd be Rollerball all over again!" a DDS spokesman commented.

The Mad Medic said Sea Urchin was now stable and should be fine but recovery would take a long time.

DDS secure order for warships

The Sub-Eritran society of Molab, beyond Woloron 12, has placed an order for DDS warships and equipment that could be worth over 4 billion zarks. The order is for 5 Pentekonter-E, an export version of the Pentekonter OPV and 2 Isometric-E, a ship based on the Isometric platform though less powerful than in DDS service. The Molab are also interested in 2 Extender oilers and up to 12 Feeder shuttles.

As part of the deal the DDS will also build for the Molab maintenance and mooring points at 2 locations in the Molab system. The Molab's existing 2 ships, ex-Tarbotian Yeoman II frigates will receive refurbishment and minor updates to become training/reserve ships when the Isometrics are delivered.

One problem with the deal though is that DDS shipyards are already at maximum capacity fulfilling DDS orders. The DDS said they will build a dedicated new line at Rathun's World to build export Pentekonters and Isometrics. Deliveries should begin of the Extenders in 2108 and the other ships from 2109. Construction of the orbital facilties and training of crews will begin next summer.

DDS to improve armament of Terran Sea with TSTP

The DDS are to update all Terran Sea frigates with the Terran Sea Tactical Pod (TSTP). It was originally just going to be part of the Terran Sea-C sub-varient but funding has now been found to improve all existing Terran Seas too. The TSTP replaces the Z-cannon with an integrated weapons pod that includes an improved Z-cannon, a new missile launcher, 2 CIWS and some EW equipment. The missile launcher is the new type that will equip the next generation of DDS ships including the Quasar ILU and Panther. Because of less advanced fire control systems Terran Sea TSTP will only be able to fire 4 missiles at any one time and not 8 which is the launcher's limit.

The Terran Sea's existing belly mounted launcher will be replaced with the new small launcher which is intended for smaller ships and auxiliary armament. This will (with some storage in the TSTP itself) increase Terran Sea missile storage from 64 to 80. The first TSTP will be fitted to a ship later this month.

Sea Urchin badly injured in Zone attack

Commander Sea Urchin has been seriously during a battle against the Zones. Quasar class ship 1211 Positron was also badly damaged in the battle with a Zone cruiser. The battle occurred after Sea Urchin had secured a damaged Tarbotian Kenora cruiser of the Type H+ standard (the latest). The ship was found dead in DDS space after an accident in the ship's engine room that had wiped out the crew in a mass dose of lethal radiation. Although the ship was left badly damaged many systems were left intact and its hoped the ship's technology can be used to update the Remedian's Kenora.

However the Zones were also after the ship and followed Sea Urchin's ship. They launched an attack on the DDS and employed a new weapon that almost destroyed the Quasar. The weapon is a crude multi-phase missile with a huge warhead. Sea Urchin was injured during a firefight with Zone soldiers and required an emergency operation after being shot with an armour piercing missile.

The Kenora wreck has been secured by the DDS and Sea Urchin sent to a hospital on Rathun's World.

Characters of the week : Hans & Otto

Whats your greatest nightmare? Could it is gay reptiles in SS uniform? Say hello to Hans & Otto of the Dino SS. Two jung herrs who brutally crack down on Dino rights in the name of crushing freedom? But ah you say. Isn't the SS supposed to be protecting the people not oppressing them? Ha ha ha the nativity of youth...

They are normal SS soldiers, who we have followed a few times on operations which they perform in typically sardonic SS manner. Hans is an uber-gay SS soldier with a liking for very tight white shorts. He finds SS uniform good for pulling though Otto mournfully comments that der uniform has der opposite effect on der vimmin.

HCS Intel : Recent developments in HCS AFVs

Dr Forbidden here, apologies for missing 2 months HCS Intel reports, as you can appreciate sometimes i am so busy here at DDS Research...

It would not be inaccurate though slightly misleading to say that since the end of the Clone Wars HCS AFV development has stagnated. Its true there have been no new major types developed since the ill-faited T-92 but there has been a period of down-sizing and standardisation which was quite frankly desperately needed to clean up the mess of types operated and the logistic and engineering nightmares that caused.

The HCS Tank arm have seen the bulk of standardisation. The intriguing twin-hull T-105 was withdrawn, all T-88s below the T-88P2C mark withdawn (T-88P2 is the new name for the T-88++). Production of the T-91, the turretless replacement for the T-89 was ended after just 120 built and these have been withdrawn and put into storage. The T-92, the intended replacement for the T-88, was cancelled before production began despite excellent performance.

The HCS Tank arm is well and truly based on the T-89 now. Instead of replacing it the HCS have just continued to develop it using technology from the T-91 and T-92 projects. The HCS have just started to introduce the T-89E series, the biggest update since the end of the war. This new version is fairly similar to the T-89C in terms of hardware but has a totally new electronics and sensor suite. The HCS are trying to move into the info-rich technologically advanced age and move away from the old days of mass low-tech forces.

The secondary line T-55Z continues in service and production of course for terrorising peasants and the like. The HCS did toy with producing a copy of the T-62 instead but ended production after a few dozen. It was more expensive to build but just as massively obsolete so why bother?

Now we move onto IFVs, of course the iconic TRV-5 Tapir reigns supreme even though it was only intended as a reconnaissance vehicle (hence the designation) and is too small to carry that many troops. However it's survivability and reliability obviously scored well especially as it's contemporary, the TCV-7 Anteater has an unfortunate habit of exploding rather easily. Virtually all Anteaters have now been withdrawn no doubt to the relief of HCS soldiers.

The Tapir is now up to the F series and like the T-89E has had a number of improvements to systems in order for it to work in the info-war. The Tapir-F introduces fully synthetic driving views in order to delete the frontal armour weakness caused by a visor and to give the driver an enhanced full-spectrum driving view with overlayed tactical information relayed in real-time. Its rumoured the T-89E also has such a system though is unconfirmed at the moment.

The HCS have also designed a lighter wheeled version of the Tapir, the WCV-10 White Tapir to finally replace the hotch potch of internal security types used by the HCS. There are even a few dozen copies of the BTR-80 copy, the BTR-85 still in existance! The HCS plan to build 2000 White Tapirs to replace the BTR-85 and other assorted rubbish.

One area of the HCS thats firmly rooted in obselescence is the artillery arm. The ATC-107C still is the main self-propelled artillery gun even though it was designed 30 years ago as a stop gap! Much HCS artillery is still towed and desperately needs to be withdrawn. And to replace these ancient systems they are going to build... more ATC-107s!

The ATC-107G is a redesign though and finally has the communications and computer technology in order for the artillery to operate in the 22nd century and not the 20th.

So there is the HCS in 2106, no new types but plenty of work still going on and finally a coherant policy on procurement.

HCS announce details of OPV

The HCS Space Fleet (or rather fleets) have published some details of their forthcoming patrol boat the HCS OPV 08 Project. The ship will be similar to the DDS Pentekonter in being a small low-powered ship optimised for policing and local patrol duties. However the ship will also be suitable for expansion. Its thought that at a later stage an updated version will be built to begin replacing the large Kalahati Tuul fleet.

To begin with though the design is modest. It will have a crew of just 8, though able to take a detachment of up to 30 space marines. Top speed will be 500c. The HCS said they would give more details in the new year including the name. Though Shark, the name of the previous project for a patrol boat is thought to be the front runner.

Arsenal AE details revealed

The DDS have revealed that their class of ammunition transports, the Arsenal, will number at least 10. Construction will begin of the first H2 2107. Two of the class will be of the "Factory Arsenal" varient which will contain a production facility for transphasic missiles. The class of 10 have received names and will be named after small arms manufacturers.

Pentekonters to receive Littoral Tactical Update

The DDS has announced that most of it's fleet of Pentekonters will receive a Littoral Tactical Update (LTU) over the next few months, the last 5 ships to be constructed will have the update built in. The update will improve the OPV's effectiveness against small-scale low-threat targets such as smugglers and pirates in low orbits and inside asteroid fields. The ships will receive auxiliary laser cannons, improved sensors optimised for operation in low orbit, better tractor beams and better internal security for handling prisoners.

Not all ships will receive the update, Windscorpion said a certain ship captained by a certain DDS member would not receive the update due to budget constraints.

Dr Forbidden talks Arsenal AE

Dr Forbidden, who has been unusually lucid these last few days, has given some details on the forthcoming Arsenal class ammunition transport. These will be more than just permanently assigned Providers as previously thought. The Arsenals will be able to teleport (within range) transphasic missiles directly to compatible ships (Panther to start with put probably more later) automatically as the combat ships run low on TPMs. Important especially considering a Panther can fire 8 missiles per second (and chew through the expected 250 missile load in half a minute!) Arsenals will be able to carry up to 5000 TPMs which should last a force of Panthers at least a couple of minutes.

Arsenals will also have maintenance facilities for weapons like Z cannons and missile launchers. The DDS are also considering the possibility of a small production line for TPMs. Dr Forbidden said the Arsenal class would have improved cloaks and shields. Its possible they would have uprated engines for improved speed though the Provider had a design limit of around 550c so any speed boosts would be small. Finally Dr F said the class would number more than the 2 currently on order but did not specify how many.

Friar holds talks with Flag Of Destiny

A SOT aligned blog is reporting that The Friar has had a secret meeting with leaders of the Flag Of Destiny, the new group that claims to represent the millions of Oojok believers and are demanding the end to the banning of the Church Of Oojok. The Friar's Office refused to comment on the claims.

The blog goes on to say that the Flag Of Destiny are asking for the ban on their religion to be lifted and for Oojok's exile to be lifted partially allowing him to attend religious ceremonies on Cloneworld and be recognised legally as a God in Cloneworld law. The Friar is thought to be considering these requests as a way to defuse the actions of Sword Of Truth who continue their random attacks on HCS officers.

Dr Forbidden talks advanced missiles and Panther tech

Dr Forbidden recently gave a technical briefing to the press and spoke about technologies that may be used in the next generations of DDS weapons. He said that the next generation of transphasic missile (TPM) will be smaller allowing for a higher weapon load on ships. These 2nd generation TPMs would have improved terminal guidance, a higher speed and improved transphasic cloak equipment.

He said that the third generation, to be introduced in the next decade, might have built-in teleportation devices to help the missile evade countermeasures. It might also teleport into the target once it got close enough. The DDS are also looking at improved warheads, even maybe using anti-matter.

Dr Forbidden then said that it was possible that an enemy may develop weapons as powerful as the TPM and the DDS had to protect against it. He said the Panther destroyer was the first ship in the known galaxy designed to survive multiple transphasic missile hits. He said the Panther had a distributed power grid with 3 separate reactor cores. Each core was ejectable if it was about to explode and had a containment forcefield if it exploded before it could be ejected. The forcefield would prevent a core explosion destroying the rest of the ship. This, as well as Open Architecture and Off-site Processing would allow a ship to still operate even if it had been badly damaged.

The DDS were also working on the next generation of passive sensors, vital for ships that needed to maintain their stealth settings. He said that the DDS may roll out improved passive sensors by the end of the next decade that nearly had the sensitivity of current generation active sensors. He said that it was likely that the DDS would stop development of active sensors to concentrate on the passive. "DDS ships in combat zones can spent weeks in cloak, we need to really improve their eyes and ears in these situations."

Friar losing control of Cloneworld?

With Sword Of Truth attacks continuing daily (though much reduced since HCS officers began taking much greater precautions) now the authorities are facing a new threat from an open uprising by followers of Oojok. Around 100 Clones, calling themselves devout followers of Oojok, seized the small town centre of Telia, a town south of Ailier City and forced police to leave the centre without their weapons. After 2 hours of demonstrations and prayers the Clones dispersed and the police returned.

The next day 6 more groups tried to repeat the action in other small towns across the south of Ailier, in the town of Pewin they were stopped by HCS troops but in the other 5 locations managed to seize control and held peaceful demonstrations.

The group, who call themselves the Flag Of Destiny, say they are not part of Sword Of Truth and will seek a peaceful way to have the return of Oojok to Cloneworld. However they warned that their patience was not unlimited. They claim to represent the millions of devout Clones who have been waiting since the coup to see what happened. Now they are ready to bring about the return of their God.

Character of the week : Tsunami

Tsunami is the assistant of The Shiner but is also known as a laughing stock and the whipping boy of Windy and his acolytes. He has been the assistant of The Shiner for years now though his worth is of unknown value. When Windy wanted to get at Shiner Tsunami was easily despatched out of the way such as when Windy turned Tsunami into a giant coin.

Tsunami isn't totally useless though, he has occasionally given Shiner some advice. Well at least once anyway, we think. Tsunami was replaced secretly by HCS agent Slayer at some stage who tried to destabilise the DDS. Tsunami was assumed dead but he was discovered locked in his wardrobe in his quarters where he had been banging his head on the wall for 2 years trying to attract attention.

UV106 : Out Of The Closet

Brace your bowels for the latest bottom shattering collection of stories in UV106 Out Of The Closet! In Conference Call Future Guy sends the female Megara to kill Ronald's daughter Crystal. In End Of The Book Barons we revisit the Book Barons but have they made a tactical error as they enter the realm of the Tic Toc? In SS Death Trap Quarz is forced to perform obscene acts with animals in front of men to get upgrades to his new ship.

In Kicking Ass Since 1970 a Remedian dissidant is broken out of his exile and seeks to rise up the Remedians against the DDS. Finally in Taking The Colours the recruits complete their training and learn what units in the Army they will be joining.

UV106 is available in all schoolgirl bedrooms, hidden under the pencil skirts now! Stay tuned for a double dose of insanity in december with the release of UV107 Beyond The Book Barons and the winter special UV108 More Chronicles Of Ron.

New Terran Sea and other fleet news

The latest Terran Sea frigate has been accepted into service. 3216 Andaman Sea was named at a ceremony at Solaris Base and will join the patrol pool. Work has now begun on fitting out the first of the Type C Terran Sea frigates (3218).

As already said the Feeder class transports will be named after fallen DDS heroes, the first of the class will be christened Rollerball. There have already been jokes about it being full of holes. The final batch of Pentekonters (bar the final example) have left the production line for fitting out. The first 2 Rome class OPVs will be laid down early next month.

Utrek attack DDS ship

A Utrek Molentic Tuul cruiser is reported to have attacked a Pentekonter OPV captained by Quarz. SS Brasidas was on patrol near Saeou when it was attacked by a late-model Molentic Tuul. The Utrek ship's ship was entirely unprovoked. The Utrek were chased off by other DDS ships in the area and damage to Quarz's ship was minor.

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Remedian dissidant tries to seize power

Lord Finai, a Remedian dissident in exile, was released from his exile on a remote planet by human mercenaries in the pay of a group of rebel Remedian officers. The mercenaries stole a modern Vosun-Voth ship and freed Finai. When a DDS ship caught them they were rescued by a Remedian destroyer crewed by rebel officers. The Kalahati Tuul headed to Remedia to link up with rebel forces but was stopped by Von Kane.

Several dozen Remedian officers have been arrested by Remedian Police and a brigade of army veterens detained on the minor planet of Urai-Elim. It is thought they planned to try and seize the capital city on Remedia Prime. Lord Finai has been returned to exile, this time with extra protection.

Its thought the rebels wanted to pull the Remedians out of the DDS.

Character of the week : Pircasa

Pircasa is a member of Z-B-H's elite group and usually provides technical support for Z-B-H and Crickson. He has performed in the field though. Pircasa shocked his comrades when he came out. It was during Crickson's usual ribbing of Xaron whom Crickson is convinced is gay. Pircasa said that actually he was gay, in fact his boyfriend was SS! Pircasa was forced to perform gay sex acts during an operation and found he enjoyed it anyway.

Pircasa is a quiet professional who doesn't make any waves. He is an expert at surveilance and electronic listening with a particular interest in Rint. He has developed some new technologies for the Dinos to enhance their Radiation intelligence capabilities.

Final green light for Dino Republic

The Dino Elders have voted in favour of Ronald's proposal to turn the Dino Empire into a republic with yearly elections for Consuls. That was the final hurdle for Ronald's proposal (though in reality a vote was not necessary) and now the Dino Republic will begin on January 1st 2107. During the consultative process Ronald's original plans have changed somewhat but these are the finalised details :

The post of Emperor will be replaced by 2 Consuls who will serve 2 year terms. Their terms will be staggered so there is only one new Consul per year. Ronald and G-B-H will be the first two Consuls but G-B-H will only serve 1 year meaning the first Consul election will be at the end of 2107. Ronald will thus stand down at the end of 2108.

Potential Consuls can come from any rank in Dino society but will require the declared support of 5 Dinos of Tribune rank of above. Potential Consuls will not be able to declare their intention until the 1st of October and then will spend the next few weeks canvassing for support and being interviewed by the Dino Elders. At the start of November the Dino Elders will vote on the candidates and will whittle down the number to 2 who will go to the public. (Its possible of course that there could only be 2 candidates or even less of course). The election will be at the start of December with the announcement of the result early in the month. The new Consul Elect will then spend the rest of the month preparing to take over.

Consuls can stand for re-election but not for 5 years after the start of their previous term in office. So Ronald will potentially be able to stand again in 2112. At the end of the Consul term the ex-Consul will revert to the rank of Senator, this also includes Consuls who were originally not Senators before they stood for election. Finally Consul will use the same rank arm band as Emperor now.

Jimmy and El Diablo are already the bookies' frontrunners for the first elected Consul next year!

Fleet news round-up

Marconi class EW ship 7353 Braun has been accepted into service becoming the third member of the class to be built. 7353 has some updated systems compared to the first 2 ships which will be updated early next year. Janes DDS Weapons is reporting the ship carries a jamming device designed to affect the guidance of HCS missiles though the DDS refused to comment on this.

Two more Extender class oilers have been ordered, one for the Remedians. The Feeder class will be named after fallen DDS heroes not Terran cities as previously decided.

Character of the week : Dougson

Dougson is the Chief Scientific Officer of the Dinos. He is an unconventional character, rather odd looking and eccentric (he fits the stereotype of a mad scientist perfectly) but he is also a bona fide genius inventing Dino tech such as the teleporter and universal translator.

He has been linked to Ronald since the days before Ronald became emperor. Dougson was a late bloomer and didn't stand out in the science field at first. He was assigned to Ronald's team as the ship science officer but as time went on he soon made a name for himself as being very inventive. He created the first Dino teleporter in his spare time and it had a vital role in the defeat of the usurper Telavason.

When Ronald became Emperor Dougson was promoted to Chief Science Officer and has remained in that post ever since. His current major project is the wormhole space travel which looks set to revolutionalise space travel.

Leaked image reported to show Panther

An image leaked to Jane's DDS Weapons by an anonymous source is said to show the forthcoming Panther destroyer (DX). The design, if true, shows a more compact form than the older artist impressions leaked earlier in the year. The design has a belly mounted cannon thought to be the Zip though its likely the Zip will not be available for the Panther at launch.

First refurbished F-10 reaches DDS service

The first refurbished F-10A Shark, now known as the F-10A2, has entered service with the 1st DDS Air Defence Regiment stationed at DDS GHQ. The F-10A2 has new avionics with an improved night mode, uprated engines, better ECM and aerodynamic improvements. The entire fleet of 57 will be refurbished to A2 standard by the end of 2108.

Meanwhile it's long-term successor, the F-10S Shark 2100 has completed it's phase 1 development after the prototype began testing last february. Four pre-production aircraft have now commenced phase 2. The pre-production aircraft include some minor changes from the prototype and a full avionics suite. The first production example is scheduled to enter service by the end of 2107.

The DDS refused to confirm or deny reports that they are developing an attack version of the F-10S. Janes DDS Weekly has said the type is a two-seat all-weather attack aircraft called the A-12 Hammerhead.

Character of the week : Fuzzy

Legate Fuzzy is the current Dino Liaison Officer to the DDS, a historic post with a history of danger and sore bottoms. However Fuzzy is a savvy operator and is understood to be keeping well away from Windscorpion... Fuzzy's career has been one of ups and downs. Promoted for valour in battle and then demoted for dallying with senior officer's wives and daughters. Fuzzy is also a Terranophile, understood to have a great love of human culture. He also is said to have a "human bird" though this bi-species mixture is confusing many Dinos.

Because of his interest in Terra, and the fact he had been punished long enough for sleeping with a Praetor's wife (six months on bum transport duties) Ronald appointed Fuzzy as liaison officer. Fuzzy was glad for the promotion but the experience of Gibson has caused Fuzzy to worry. Though he is a friend of Windy (indeed Windy only dislikes Fuzzy instead of intensely loathing as he usually does with Dinos) Fuzzy still thinks Windy may try to use him like he did Gibson...

Attempt made on life of Ronald's daughter

Details are still sketchy but it appears ex-HCS agent Megara infiltrated the Royal Palace on Dino Land in order to kill Crystal, the baby daughter of Ronald. Megara and his assistant Dick Nose were both killed before they could carry out their deadly mission. Empress Holisai, Senator Smellyson and two SS guards received stuns but received no lasting injuries.

The appearance of Megara is confusing as Ronald had already beheaded the infamous agent a month ago! An unconfirmed report says this new Megara was female indicating that the unknown "Future Guy" (as the unknown foe from the future has been called) resurrected Megara from an alternative universe. There is the possibility therefore that more Megaras might attack in future. Ronald has had his family taken to a secure safe house.

DDS detail SUP Update

The DDS have announced a 440 million zark for it's fleet of SUP based transports and EW ships, the Provider, Extender and Marconi classes. The DDS said the SUP Update 2107 will improve the effectiveness and flexibility of the vital support strategic asset. SUP Update 2107 will include a roll-up of all software updates, a new engine management module (increasing cruise time by 22%), improved internal security (in response to an incident earlier this year when Zones stole a shipment of firearms from a Provider) and added Open Architecture (OA).

Providers will also receive improvements to their cargo handling equipment. The Extender oiler fleet will receive improvements to the refuelling system and improved safety (in response to the accident earlier this year). The update will begin in H2 2107. All new SUP based ships by next march will be built to this new standard.

Utrekian super weapon? / Attack planned?

A Utrek defector who fled to the Dinos some months ago is reported to have told the Dinos that the Utrek are developing a new kind of weapon for which there is no known defence! The weapon has been called a sub-atomic disruptor by the Dinos and the beam rips apart the atoms of anything it meets at a sub-atomic weapon. This includes the atoms that make up shielding. The weapon will be the primary armament on the new Reptoli Tuul cruiser and be retro-fitted to late-model Molentic Tuul it is thought.

A further worrying aspect of this is that Dino and DDS intellignce officers think the Utrek are planning a mass attack on the Central Powers in 2 years. They cite the fact that in around 22 months the first squadron of Reptoli Tuul will be in service and also spies have obtained Utrek scheduled maintenance lists for it's fleet. The Utrek are due to perform all needed heavy maintenance over the next year and should have over 90% of it's 1100+ strong fleet available in around 20-22 months time. Its thought the Utrek might field an invading force of around 500 ships, spearheaded by the Reptoli Tuul and an estimated 30-40 Molentic Tuul equipped with the new weapon.

Character of the week : The Shiner

When The Shiner became the DDS Commander in 2094 no one suspected he would become the most successful and longest-lasting DDS Commander in history! Indeed he lasted until 2103 when he was deposed by Lord Rotarios's supporters. Under The Shiner's rule the DDS managed to end the war against the HCS, defeat The Tarbotians and Utrek and assemble a large and powerful fleet. The key to The Shiner's rule, however, was Windscorpion. He functioned as the DDS Protector, taking the lead in combat operations and strategy whilst The Shiner handled everything else. When Windy was killed The Shiner's DDS nearly collapsed, Windy was resurrected in time before final defeat and was stabilised but the damage was probably done then.

After he was deposed (officially he resigned but only after extreme pressure by the Hoods) he became the Financial Officer of the DDS and quietly gets on with his business. The Shiner is a craven coward of course, an insecure little man who surrounds himself with yes-men and is little respected by heroes like Windy. But The Shiner is good at his job and his reign should not derided.

The Friar coming under pressure from other Triumvirs

The death of Colonel Volinsoy, pushed off a hotel balcony in the city of Celona in Eastern Ailier by SOT terrorists may seem just one of dozens of attacks by SOT but this has put The Friar under massive pressure from his fellow Triumvirs as Volinsoy was Captain Clone's half-brother. Captain Clone is said to have travelled immediately to Cloneworld once news broke of the death last week and after attending Volinsoy's funeral he headed for The Friar's palace where he furiously told The Friar to end the SOT attacks or face the consequences.

Those consequences are quite obvious. Within hours of Captain Clone departing Cloneworld back to his HQ on Aquaworld the powerful 3rd Space Fleet moved from it's usual location near Sandworld to a position in the Epsilon Eridani system, that system containing Cloneworld of course. The 1st and 7th Legions, the best units in Captain Clone's HCS have also been mobilised and put on short-notice for embarking aboard assault transports.

Benito Clone has also put the pressure on The Friar, saying that the SOT must be crushed by the end of the year or he and Captain Clone would hold talks on The Friar's replacement...

DDS shipbuilding at breaking point

A senior DDS Fleet officer has warned that the DDS' shipbuilding resources are at breaking point with production capacity at a maximum and staffing proving a problem, due to the high demand.

The DDS produces ships at large production rigs in three locations : Solaris Prime, Proxima 5 and 7. A rig may be bought into operation around Rathun's World in future too. Currently the DDS has :

Solaris

• The former Quasar rig is now retooled for the Quasar ILU programme
• A large new rig for Panther production
• A rig for SUP production
• The former Isometric rig now producing Terran Sea
• A small rig producing Velocity
• A small rig fitting out Extender oilers from SUPs

Proxima 7

• A large rig finishing off Pentekonter (Rome to be built from next year)
• A large rig fitting out Provider, Marconi and future SUP based classes
• The former second Isometric rig now modified for Rhombus rebuilds
• A large new rig for fitting out Intruder-Es

Proxima 5

• A small rig for fitting out Providers from SUPs
• A small rig for minor updates, currently being used for Pulsar updates

As well as these the DDS are looking for capacity for their next generation transport the Feeder class. The DDS want (and need) production sped up of some types but all rigs are running at capacity. Staffing is a problem at some sites as the amount of available personnel is finite. The Terran Sea rig has even banned vacations for it's staff because they don't have enough slack in staff numbers to cope with absenses. This has caused staff retention to drop of course.

The DDS said they are working with Consolidated Spacecraft to try and ease the strain on DDS facilities.

Ronald addresses Dino Elders

Ronald has addressed the Dino Elders and outlined their role in the planned republic. He said the Dino Elders would have a greater role than as present. He said as well as choosing a shortlist of potential Senators the Elders would also interview potential Consuls and advise the Senate on the suitability of the candidates. The Elders would also assign names to Dino Army brigades and bestow special awards and medals.

The Dino Elders are expected to vote on the republic within the next few weeks. Ronald is hoping to start the new year as a Consul not an Emperor.

Faulty power conduit caused Extender accident

A faulty power conduit has been blamed for the explosion aboard Extender class oiler 7202 Stratotanker that caused a nuclear leak. Three crewmen died in the explosion and two more have died since of injuries and radiation poisoning. DDS Accident Investigators at Solaris have analysed the ship now at the DDS Nuclear Processing & Research Facility (DDS-NPRF) and said cracks in the conduit wall caused a power feedback across 2 circuits which resulted in the explosion.

Metallurgical analysis of the rest of the Extender fleet has revealed no cracks and the DDS think this was just a freak accident. The ship will be repaired and decontaminated and should be back in service in a few weeks. Meanwhile Pulsar cruiser 1012 Africa which had been in the middle of being refuelled when the accident happened has now had it's refuelling completed by another Extender oiler.

A DDS spokesman later said that all Extenders will receive regular scans of power conduits in refuelling areas and extra plate protection will be applied when the Extenders receive a planned minor update next year.

UV105 : Genius Or Idiot?

Six bowel shattering stories come in the latest UV comic, available from all schoolgirl's wardrobes from next week. In Investigation Philes Megara is sent to gather information on Ronald's temporal scrambler but ends up being beheaded! In 13:40 Quarz is targetted by kidnappers and has to enter the wrestling ring to escape. In Anatomy Of A Hit we follow 2 members of Sword Of Truth as they target a HCS officer.

In Final Op - 2 Krusty and his fellow new recruits face their greatest test as a Tarbotian cruiser threatens them with death. In End Of The Empire? Ronald outlines his plans for a republic and the mysterious "Future Guy" resurrects Megara from an alternative timeline... one difference is this Megara is female but just as much a pain in the ass. Finally in Celebrity Marriage Windy defies the law of Lord Rotarios by visiting DDS GHQ!

UV105 is out now! Next month await UV106 Out Of The Closet with clenched buttocks!

Fourth Velocity enters service plus update begins

At a ceremony at Solaris Spaceport Sea Urchin unveiled the fourth Velocity class destroyer 2204 Progress, the first of the Velocity S varient with a 905c cruise and improved equipment including the ability to carry a Z cannon. Sea Urchin said the Velocity S was the cutting edge of the fleet. He also announced that the first Velocity (2201 Velocity) would be the first ship to receive an update called S Upgrade Phase 1. By next summer the other 2 ships would also be to this standard.

This update is not the same as the newbuild S as it does not include the engine and weapon improvements. A later upgrade (perhaps at the end of 2107) called S Upgrade Phase 2 will bring the first 3 ships fully up to S standard.

DDS announce update for fleet communications

The DDS have announced a 140 million zark programme to upgrade all short range radio on it's fleet of ships. The radios, used for fleet communications, have a lower power output but improved direction to assist stealth operations and also improved encryption. The radios will be rolled out on Pulsars and Terran Sea ships from next month and the rest of the fleet over the next 12 months.

Senate vote for Dino republic

The Dino Senate has voted to dissolve the Empire and form a Dino republic along the lines that Ronald outlined last week. The Dino Elders will also vote on it and nothing will happen until that (although legally the republic can start now). Its expected Ronald will give the Dino Elders the power to agree shortlists for election to the Senate (currently they have no official powers after Ronald took away their power to vote for the Emperor).

Two more men will join the Senate once 2 Consuls are appointed.

Another setback for the SOT

Mere days after a helicopter crash killed senior members of the Sword Of Truth there has been another setback for the SOT. Using information found on the bodies in the crash HCS Military Police were able to find seven cells across Central Ailier and arrested over 20 members of SOT including an ex-RP General. Four SOT members were also killed in a gunfight and another 2 committed suicide using grenades rather than be captured.

The prisoners are now guests of the HCS and are being interrogated. Due to these detbacks SOT attacks have died down though a HCS Colonel was killed by a SOT sniper in Beyond Micom yesterday.

Character of the week : Knobhead

Knobhead is Horsehead's deputy. Somehow he has managed to stay alive... Knobhead is a decent soldier in the DDS, cynical and cautious yet also possessing some brains but you know thats always dangerous in a soldier. He has been in the DDS for some years though he has not yet become a major talent. He remains in the background, doing a job well.

Knobhead knows a way of changing Horsehead's mind without being killed (as Horsehead usually regards anyone disagreeing with him as mutiny and administers immediate execution) which is key to his success and his survival. It may be he will be promoted to his own ship soon.

Analysis : The reasons behind Ronald's republic

At first glance the declaration by Ronald that the Dino Empire should become a republic seems surprising and even bizarre. However it comes as no surprise to some seasoned Dino commentators. Its been no secret that Ronald wishes to stand down from the day-to-day strain of being the Emperor. However he does not want the Dino Empire to suffer in his absense as happened the last time he stepped down and the disasterous reign of El Diablo followed by the coup of One-Horn led to war between the Dinos and DDS.

One solution was a two-Emperor system (even if it was forced on the Dinos by M-B-H's actions) but Ronald still wished to stand down and was on the verge of doing so when Co-Emperor Jimmy was nearly killed by an assassin's bullet last year. Now we have the two Consul republican system which Ronald hopes is the way he can finally retire... but leave the door open for a return.

Under this new system Ronald can stand down safe in the knowledge that even if his replacement proves to be a failure his term of office is fixed and limited so can be replaced. Ronald would also be free to run for a Consulship again at some stage (we believe there is to be a 5 year period before an ex-Consul can become one again) as we expect he would become bored with DIY and fishing after awhile.

SOT suffer setback after crash

The Sword Of Truth terrorist group have suffered their first serious loss in their bloody war with the secular government of Cloneworld. In a departure from their recent highly successful tactic of random attacks on HCS officers around 20 senior SOT members went to attack the HCS Officer Training School in Relium. Enroute to the school in a civilian registered CH-36 helicopter the aircraft appears to have suffered some kind of mechanical fault and crashed on the slopes of Mount Gelu-Urbert with total loss of life.

One unconfirmed report says there may have been a weapons malfunction aboard the helicopter, maybe a missile or rocket prematurely firing which caused the accident. A HCS spokesman said most of the dead were ex-members of the disbanded RP Cloisters Brigade and the core of the SOT.

Ronald wishes to turn the Empire into a republic

Emperor Ronald shocked members of the Senate today, it is reported, by announcing his post should be abolished! Ronald said that the Empire should become a republic with democratic representation at all levels. This is a remarkable u-turn by Ronald who up until now has largely resisted the calls for democracy at the highest level led by SS Commander Lakes.

Ronald said, "The people wish it, we should consider it." He suggests the post of Emperor be abolished and replaced by two Consuls who would serve for a year before new elections. He said that the first two Consuls should be appointed and be himself and another Senator and should spend the year before they step down setting up the democratic infrastructure for the election of their replacements.

Ronald said that one Consul should take charge of military affairs (and be the head of the army) and the other civilian. Ronald said that under the new system the Consuls would make decisions in consultation with the Senate. In fact this is much as Ronald reigns now anyway. Ronald said that future Consuls should be shortlisted by the Senate and then this list put up for election by the people. Ronald finally said that the Senate should be increased from 12 to 14 members and there be a new post of Senior Senator who would run the business of the Senate.

SS Commander Lakes, the head of the political party VERITAS = TRUTH welcomed the new system though said he would have preferred an elected President. One political commentator has said that as Ronald would probably be Senior Senator and Military Consul he would actually end up with more power than he does now as Emperor!

Tarbotian cruiser destroyed by Dinos

The Dinos are reporting they have encountered and destroyed a Tarbotian Heavy Cruiser (thought to be an older Type E). Two Dinomarks on a training mission were attacked by the Tarbotians and disabled. The Tarbotians demanded the Dinos hand over radioactive material from their reactor core. The Dinos were able to restore power to their missile system and destroyed the Tarbotians with two multi-phase missiles. The Tarbotians did not have any shields.

Its thought the Tarbotians did not have main power as the material they demanded would have been needed to operate their reactor.

Character of the week : G-B-H

G-B-H is Ronald's best mate and his right hand man. For a long time he was the Deputy Emperor though under the new system he is now officially Minister of Foreign Affairs though he is still second only to The Ron. The ironic thing is, when G-B-H has had to step in when Ronald has been absent hes been largely a failure who freezes when in charge...

Ronald and G-B-H met when Ronald was a centurion and G-B-H a decurion. At first they hated each other as G-B-H thought Ronald was a fancy dan officer just there to grab some glory. During an operation against terrorists Ronald saved G-B-H's life and since then they have been best friends. G-B-H has been at Ronald's side ever since.

In recent years the friendship came under some strain because of the evil M-B-H, G-B-H's son, who spent much of the time trying to kill Ronald. Recently its become even tighter after G-B-H's daughter Pheldira has married Ronald's son Smellyson. Its thought that the Iguana-Golas could rule the empire for centuries. We'll have to see.

G-B-H is known as one of the strongest Dinos in the army, a fighter of immense talent and courage. G-B-H might freeze when Emperor but he leads well at a lower level. He is one of the all-time greats, no doubt about it.

Windscorpion on Desert Island Discs!

Windscorpion was the guest this week on the long-running show Desert Island Discs, in it he chose songs by the Pet Shop Boys, Erasure, Frankie and Sexus. Basically all gay pop. His chosen book was the Bumper Book Of Violent Gay Porn. He said he created this book himself from his massive collection of porn magazines. Windy said that W's Style was running wild across the DDS and young men were flocking to his bed. When questioned on this he said he meant "cause".

The Friar facing revolt?

There are unconfirmed reports of senior HCS officers openly criticising The Friar's leadership in the face of the terrorism threat of the Sword Of Truth. A blog aligned to the SOT is claiming Field Marshal Holman, the head of all HCS forces in the Ailier South district is calling on the Friar to resign and for Captain Clone to take over operations on Cloneworld. Some other senior officers are echoing these comments including General Lund of the 20th Panzer division who said that the SOT were being allowed to run riot due to "weakness at the top".

Meanwhile the SOT's latest wave of attacks on random HCS officers shows no signs of slowing down. Five officers were killed yesterday including a General, the first. General Alupatri, the aide to Field Marshal Imega (head of HCS in Micom North), was gunned down by a SOT terrorist posing as a gas meter reader.

Accident during refuelling of Pulsar cruiser

The DDS are reporting that three crewmen died of radiation poisoning and seven more were badly hurt during an accident last week on the oiler 7202 Stratotanker when it was handling spent fuel and nuclear byproducts whilst refuelling Pulsar cruiser 1012 Africa near Saeou. An explosion aboard the Extender oiler caused the release of contaminated material. The explosion is thought to have been caused by an electrical fault. All other Extenders have been removed from service and are currently being checked for defects in their electrical systems which should take about a week.

The area were the leak took place has been sealed and 7202 Stratotanker is now travelling to the DDS Nuclear Processing & Research Facility (DDS-NPRF) at Solaris for decontamination. The Pulsar cruiser was unable to complete it's refuelling and is now waiting for another oiler to complete it.

Windscorpion pensive on news that XE is alive

Several years ago Ayatollah Clone XE captured and executed Windscorpion's boyfriend Ralphie live on TV (pay-per-view). Windscorpion responded with deadly revenge, the cream of the DDS desended on RP HQ and slew XE and the cream of the RP. Or did they...

Ayatollah Akiwati was named the new spiritual leader and although there were definate similarities between him and XE Windscorpion decided to not investigate further. Now with the resurrection of XE as the head of the Sword Of Truth it appears Akiwati was XE!

So how does that make Windscorpion feel. He told Metrosexual & Violent Buggery Weekly : "The pain of Ralphie's loss i still feel every day. I thought i had killed that fool XE and defiled his unholy corpse. Now it seems the murdering bastard is still around. I am still in a bit of shock at that, maybe i will finish the job... one day."

SOT attacks continue

Three more HCS officers were killed yesterday in attacks across Cloneworld and one more badly injured. In one attack Colonel Slimis of the 30th Artillery Regiment was killed in his bath when a SOT intruder in his house dropped a hairdryer into the water. The wide variety of attack methods and the sheer number of possible targets is making it very difficult for the authorities to counter this wave of attacks.

"The only way would be to restrict every HCS officer to barracks, that would be tens of thousands of men. The HCS could not operate if that happened." a spokesman for HCS GHQ said.

The focus has now moved to trying to destroy SOT but that could prove very difficult. According to an unnamed HCSIntel officer the SOT "Is highly dispersed into cells of maybe two-four men with maybe only one concentration of troops around XE. Its likely that even if XE was caught or killed the other cells would continue operations."

Jimmy hopes to return to office next year

Former Emperor Jimmy, who was the victim of an assassination attempt last year, has continued his slow recovery after life saving surgery. He told a meeting of army officers he hoped to return to work in the new year, perhaps next spring. The question as what his job will be was not asked though. While Jimmy lay in a coma Ronald stripped him of the Emperorship and appointed him a member of the Senate. There are some experts on Dino Law that say that Ronald did not have the power to do that and Jimmy is still Co-Emperor.

One rumour that surfaced this summer was that Jimmy was reported to be furious with Ronald for stripping him of his crown whilst he lay in a coma. Jimmy however, when asked if he was angry at Ronald, said that before the assassination attempt they had agreed that the two Emperor system would end. Indeed Jimmy was shot at a meeting where Ronald was due to announce his retirement. Jimmy said that the Empire could not have lain in limbo without a leader especially as it was unknown how long he would be injured, or even if he would survive! One officer asked why Ronald did not simply leave Jimmy as Co-Emperor, at that Jimmy said cryptically "Ronald did what he thought was best."

Two new ships join the fleet

The latest Terran Sea frigate 3215 Arabian Sea has joined the fleet. The ship, a Terran Sea Block 2, includes a new sensor array and some control elements planned for the Block 3 which is due from 3218 onwards. Arabian Sea will test out this technology for the Block 3 which will appear next year.

The latest Extender class oiler 7206 Globemaster has also entered service.

New wave of attacks by SOT

Colonel Ximan Belmont of the HCS was waiting for his train at the provincial station of Helun in eastern Ailier as usual to go to his job at the regional HCS recruitment office yesterday morning. Only he never made it. A fellow passenger pushed Belmont onto the tracks as another train was travelling through the station, Belmont was crushed to death by the train. Later on the Sword Of Truth claimed responsibility.

It was one of seven attacks on HCS officers (two were unsuccessful) across Cloneworld that morning. Captain Elton of the 312nd Infantry Regiment was another victim. He was crossing the road from his home near the army base in Wells Fort, West Clone Republic. Suddenly a car appeared out of nowhere and mowed him down. The SOT also later claimed responsibility. A SOT source told Clone TV that all HCS officers were now targets. The HCS have told all it's personnel to take all possible precautions.

Character of the week : Rubiks Cube Warrior

Rubiks Cube Warrior is a minor warrior in the DDS, a man with a strange name but not a lot else of note. He has been in the DDS for some time and is still alive so that is a sign he is not totally useless. In his early DDS days he came to the attention of Windscorpion who gave him the benefit of his... expertise. Now RC Warrior is bitter and still bears mental scars even if physical injuries have finally healed.

His hatred of Windy drives him to a psycotic rage which had led Sea Urchin to move RC Warrior to somewhere more dangerous : this being in Horsehead's team. He usually runs with Truman who is another dubious talent.

XE : "The Friar likes to have sex with another man's bottom"

The Sword Of Truth achieved a hattrick of high profile "info-attacks" when around 40 large electronic billboards across the capital of Cloneworld Ailier City were hacked and instead of their usual programme of adverts for menswear they displayed Ayatollah Clone XE who was able to give another message. He said :

"Fellow Clones, rise up and resist the secular forces! Fight back against the foul Friar! He is a deviant secular criminal! The Friar likes to have sex with another man's bottom, and then eat nut roast! Followers of Oojok eat meat! Personally I love beef! Oojok is most great! Oojok is most great!"

The Friar is understood to have had the head of network security in Ailier sacked.

The Friar slaps down XE / XE fights back!

Its been reported by several bloggers that there has been unrest on the streets of several cities across the Clone Empire after XE managed to broadcast live on TV thanks to hacking by SOT info-warriors. The Friar was quick to appear on TV to deride XE.

"Recently his ragtag army of fascists and social misfits has been prevented from acts of terror by the new security measures bought in by the Democratic Secular Regime. So he resorts to a comedy show on TV! I do not fear his words, i found them amusing. Maybe we can give him his own TV show. Its highly entertaining, if not very intelligent. XE is a clown and soon will be bought to justice!" said The Friar.

However mere minutes after The Friar's broadcast SOT hackers struck again. They broke into the central e-mail registry of a major ISP in Ailier and e-mailed a video message from XE to some 5 million inboxes. In the message XE said :

"Stand up and fight secularism! Fight the foul infidel with his bestial vegetarian lesbianism! Burn the infidels! Burn their secular nut roasts! Toss their foul veggieburgers into the abyss! Eat meat for Oojok! Oojok is most great! Oojok is most great!"

XE gives speech to Clone Empire!

Sword Of Truth hackers have managed to break into the main data stream of Clone TV and replaced existing programming with a recorded speech by Ayatollah Clone XE! This was broadcast to billions across the empire as engineers fought desperatly to cut the link. For two minutes XE spoke to the people. The effects of this massive propaganda coup have yet to be measured.

The contents of his speech :

Fellow clones, it is I : Ayatollah Clone XE. Your spiritual leader. Despite the efforts of the satanic Anti-Oojok I have not been silenced and the power of Oojok flows throughout you all. Oojok came to us many years ago and led us to victory in our darkest hour. Now infidel swine like Captain Clone have forgotton that. They must be crushed by the FIST of RIGHTHOUSNESS!

Rise up all Clones! Rise up and overthrow the secular oppressors who have led you astray, away from the utopia of worship to the misery of democracy and self-determination. Such foul bestial filth can only lead to doom. Such lies can only lead to the path of the Anti-Oojok. Soon you will be sleeping with your fellow men, an abomination fostered by the Anti-Oojok. Resist the call to wallow in filth! Resist the whips of your secular oppressors!

Stand up! Shout out loudly! Your hearts full of joy! Your soul cleansed of secular filth! Your mind full of zeal! Stand up and proclaim loudly your love of Oojok! Oojok is most great! Oojok is-

(The feed was then cut)

UV104 : FILLING THE VOID

Trash80 Media Services is proud to present the latest bowel shattering collection of DDS stories. Its Big Brother time again on Dino Land and in Dino BB : The Infamy the boys are shocked to find out Spikeson's new girlfriend is a contestant and try to work out which of the collection of freaks is his beau. In W's Style has Windy finally been broken by the New DDS message of Lord Rotarios? Following on in Girls With No Tomolo Firefly races against time to prevent the final victory of the New DDS Project.

In Final Op - 1 the recruits we have been following begin their final field training assignment and tangle with a Tarbotian warship. Finally in Strap On a Utrek assassin kills a Governor on Rathun's World and Sea Urchin gives chase. UV104 is available in all brothels and school tuck shops.

Stay tuned next month for UV105 Genius Or Idiot?

Character of the week : Gibson

Gibson's career has had more lives than a Dino Cat, he is the great survivor of the Dino Army, even though he has had to frequently perform under extreme pressure...

Gibson rose up the ranks of the SS, mostly though being a competant administrator, and became SS Commander. However his lack of perversions and honesty put him at odds with most of the rest of the SS. Ronald chose him to be the Liaison Officer with the DDS instead. This is when his trouble began. Windscorpion gave him a long list of Dino materials wanted by the DDS but to procure these materials he had to see various Dino ministers, all obese sweaty old men. He found the price of getting these materials very high...

After months of violent buggery by fat old men Gibson was a mental wreck and tried to kill himself but Windscorpion prevented him, he found himself in the control of The Windy One. Then the Dino's relationship with the DDS broke down and Gibson escaped back to Dino Land. But then he found himself suffering from the effects of his ordeal. He tried to rejoin SS service but got a hard on whilst on parade. His reputation and mental well being were utterly shattered and he was released by the SS.

Some time later Ronald agreed for him to return to the SS but he suffered frequent jibes from other SS who didn't want to be "under him". To his horror however Windscorpion tried to use him again to gain Dino technology for the mission against the Rectoids. This time however Gibson was caught trying to give secrets and then the terrible things that had happened to Gibson all came out. Gibson found strength from the support of the Dinos and has managed to put these past torments behind him (so to speak). He was made deputy commander of the SS with a secret brief to watch for Lakes' rule breaking.

However Lakes framed Gibson as being behind the Jimmy assassination attempt. Ronald knew Gibson was framed but had no choice in releasing Gibson from the SS again. Gibson will probably return to service at some stage, its suspected he will be SS Commander once Lakes is finally got rid of.

Dr Forbidden gives keynote to DDS Research Conference

The DDS held their annual Research Conference where DDS and civilian contractor engineers meet to discuss geeky stuff. Dr Forbidden gave a keynote speech where he discussed the future of DDS propulsion technology. He said that within 5 years 1000c would be the baseline cruise speed for new combat types and maximum speeds would rise above 1200c.

He said that a major new programme to develop wormhole technology would begin by the end of the year which could yield a fully working operational system within 15 years. Dr Forbidden was quite candid with the delegates. He admitted that the DDS were way behind the Dinos on this and he thought there would be a 10 year gap between Dino and DDS operational usage of wormhole technology.

"We expect the time where no more real improvements can be made to traditional propulsion isn't far off, maybe within 7 to 8 years. Sooner or later the vast investment will no longer be viable for the tiny improvements that will be made and we'll have to call a day on it." he said. He then said that the DDS would have to modify their tactics while this speed gap existed.

"If one side can go over 3000c and we can only go 1000 then obviously we are a tactical disadvantage." he said.

Dr Forbidden's assistant Dr Mary Fishnet will give a keynote on future weapons tomorrow.

Utrekian mafia kill UNP governor

A regional governor (as yet unnamed) on Rathun's World is reported to have been assassinated by a Utrekian gunman who then teleported up to an unmarked Utrek High Speed Transport. A DDS ship commanded by Sea Urchin gave chase but they were unable to capture the Utrekians who, its reported, blew up their own ship when their main power was disabled by the DDS.

We understand that an associate of the governor confessed (after 48 hours of brutal torture) that the governor was in the pay of the shadowy Utrekian mafia and tried to doublecross them. A risky idea...

Character of the week : Trojan Warlord

Trojan Warlord is a sad weasel of a man, utterly lacking in courage or any redeeming qualities what so ever, therefore its confusing why his career in the DDS has never taken off. After a minor career as a smuggler he joined the DDS but was given menial tasks and even found those beyond his meagre talents. He became a laughing stock and was soon kicked out.

Some years later he returned, and after a disasterous time as Morale Officer (which almost saw the collapse of the DDS) has settled down to become an odd-job man at GHQ. What Trojan actually does it unknown but he always seems to be caught up in strife. He almost discovered the Hoods before they were ready to unveil themselves but just got a good kicking for his troubles. Actually that is what he is good at, receiving a kicking. So hes not totally useless then.

Windy opens shop & sushi bar

Windscorpion has opened a shop selling merchandise in Stoke, Terra. The shop will sell many items from W's Style including "Work Harder Loser" t-shirts and books on the life of Windy. A 1000 page photobook of naked photographs of Windy is also available.

Windy and various friends were present when the shop was opened by The Queen who cut the pink ribbon. Windy thanked The Queen for coming, saying that he was a cool guy. Windy also unveiled the sushi he has made himself and which will be sold in the shop's sushi bar (yet to open). He said he hand rolled the sushi at night though did not reveal which parts of his anatomy he used to roll the sushi.

Windy said that foods like sushi that include fresh ingredients and fish are good for virility and health and are key to the W's Style message. Windy said that young men needed to turn back from the obese ways of before and become ultra fit. "If its not hurting its not working!" he said as he stripped off his pink tank top to reveal his ripped torso. He then led the press in an aerobics session. Windy said that he was the "Mr Motivator" of the 22nd century.

Windy's shop, called Windy Treats is open 7 days a week and staff are always on hand to assist customers in any requests... Sushi is available first thing but sells out very quickly so come early to avoid dissappointment. Remember, the early bird catches the worm. The early Windy buggers you violently with a knife. Sure win!

Special Report : DDS & HCS head east in "gold rush"

Beyond the eastern edge of the HCS and DDS territories are many worlds and systems which were once subserviant to the Rectoids. These little known worlds often had to host Rectoid bases and fleet postings and were banned from having their own space fleets except for local policing units. Now the Rectoids have gone these worlds are eager to finally get their own space ships again and the DDS and HCS are eager to sell to them!

Three DDS sales teams are currently either in the area or on the way there and have a portfolio of powerful ships to sell. The DDS are offering a frigate based on the Terran Sea/Isometric base with a wide variety of weapon/equipment options. They are also offering smaller patrol ships based on the Pentekonter, all the SUP based classes (Provider, Extender et cetera) are also available as is the Feeder shuttle. No major combat types are available though its rumoured that if the DDS received a big enough order for the Velocity (at least 8) then they would build a second production line purely for export.

The HCS are further behind but have a sales team operating in the area selling types based on their Cosmos and refurbished Kalahati Tuuls. They are thought to be close to a deal with an Eritran based soceity beyond Woloron 12 for 6 ex-HCS Kalahati Tuuls which would be refurbished and updated.

As both sides seek to expand their own fleets the export market will become more and more important in bringing in extra revenue that can be ploughed into extra fleet assets. The DDS have made over 10 billion from their sales to the Raegris and Aritans but the market is now pretty much saturated for the moment. To sell more the DDS (and HCS) have to look further afield. However these new markets are scarcely known. The DDS had to get maps from the Dinos before they even knew where these potential markets where. Its going to be an interesting ride.

SS gain 3rd Legion

SS Commander Lakes, who has been keeping a low profile lately, today announced the SS was gaining a 3rd Legion. A 3rd Legion is a long-standing dream for the SS and it will form the SS reserve while the 2nd Legion moves to Pulsin. The strength of the 3rd Legion will be rather dubious for awhile, one infantry brigade has moved from the 1st Legion (the 5th) but the rest are new brigades made up largely of ex-SS General Duties personnel (a.k.a. Base Stallions) and raw recruits. In all the SS has created 5 new brigades.

The new lined up :

1st SS Legion

1st SS Panzer Brigade (Black Death Brigade)
3rd SS Panzer Brigade (Black Dragon Martyrs Brigade)
1st SS Infantry (Mech.) Brigade (Two-Headed Vulture Brigade)
2nd SS Infantry (Mech.) Brigade (Arrow Of God Brigade)
7th SS Infantry Brigade (Barbed Wire Brigade)
1st SS Artillery Brigade (Firestorm Brigade)
SS Flameflower Unit
1st SS Scouting Unit

2nd SS Legion

2nd SS Panzer Brigade (Iron Fist Brigade)
3rd SS Infantry (Mech.) Brigade (Army Of God Brigade)
4th SS Infantry Brigade (Vicious Rebel Brigade)
6th SS Infantry Brigade (Dino Rights Crackdown Brigade)
SS Military Police Brigade (Handcuffs Of Hell Brigade)
2nd SS Artillery Brigade (Fire Of Hell Brigade)
2nd SS Scouting Unit

3rd SS Legion

4th SS Panzer Brigade (Crushing Democracy Brigade)
9th SS Infantry (Mech.) Brigade (Wheels Of Death Brigade)
5th SS Infantry Brigade (Soldiers Of God Brigade)
8th SS Infantry Brigade (Violent Oppression Brigade)
3rd SS Scouting Unit

HCS leak some details of OPV, KT run down

The HCS have announced that no fewer than 125 of their HCS OPV 08 will be produced and that work was now ongoing with regard to the specification. One type which will be replaced by this new ship will be the older Kalahati Tuuls which were once the backbone of the fleet but are now obsolete and coming towards the end of their lives.

The Super Kalahati Tuul (Kalahati Tuul S) upgrade programme has currently rebuilt 28 Kalahati Tuuls but this has now ended. A similar upgrade of Kalahati Tuul 2s is about to begin (the Kalahati Tuul 2N) but this will not be as large a programme and only 16 are expected to be upgraded. Withdrawals of life expired Kalahati Tuuls will begin next year with the whole fleet gone by the end of the decade (upgraded KT-Ss will remain in service until 2120). Kalahati Tuul 2 withdrawals are expected to start in 2108.

LORD ROTARIOS banishes Windscorpion

Lord Rotarios, the great fearless master of THE TRUTH, has banished the unprofessional homosexual infidel Windscorpion from GHQ. From now on Windy and his acolytes will not be able to come to DDS facilities in the Proximan or Solaris systems unless requested. This re-establishes the old ban on Windy that was only lifted a few weeks ago.

According to rumours on W's Style blogs Windy hurt Rotarios' metal genitals and refused to bow to Lord Big Head. THE LORD says that one day Windscorpion will bow to him, and then the New DDS project will be complete!

Character of the week : Ronaldson

Ronaldson is the youngest son of Ronald and to be quite honest hes a bit of an embarassment. Wheras Ron's eldest son is butch (Smellyson) and the middle son Stinkyson is crafty Ronaldson is a wet limp lettuce. Hes so soft he even thinks the Guardian is a bit tough. Ronaldson doesn't like treks and adventure, unless it leads to a department store.

Of course military service was a nightmare for him. He hoped that being the son of the Emperor would give him an easy time but unfortunately the opposite was true. He tried to escape several times and was punished by having to peel a million potatoes. He tried to wriggle out of the army by accusing his trainer of abuse. Ronald finally gave in and took Ronaldson out of the army and instead he did the national service for girls : cooking, sewing and cosmetics. That was so much more him!

HCS to replace civil war fleet losses

The HCS have announced replacements will be built for some of the ships destroyed in the civil war between the Loyalist and Benito factions. Three Tiamon 2 assault carriers will be built (only one is left of the original fleet) plus five more Cosmos S cruisers. Two Intruder LHAs will also be built though not until the DDS Intruder order has been satisfied.

The HCS have also said they are looking at a light patrol boat again, previously they worked on a design called the Shark but this was cancelled earlier this year. The HCS OPV 08 design, as yet unnamed, could well be built from 2108.