Character of the week : Quarz (Updated)

Quarz (pronounced Quartz) is probably the wimpiest person in history. The slightest danger sends him into a quivering wreck and a seemingly endless supply of shit. He is known as the "Sewage Plant" by his peers. The smell of shit seems to always be following him around. Quarz was amazingly the captain of the Isometric for a few years despite being the biggest loser in history (or so Redjec claims), a job he liked as its one of the fastest ships in the fleet and thus could retreat very quickly indeed...

Quarz has a number of enemies, most notably Redjec who has dedicated his existence to the downfall and crushing of Quarz. Windscorpion also has terrorised Quarz sexually for years, Quarz's greatest fear is that he will become the plaything and toy of The Windy One...

Delicate Flower was the closest Quarz had to a friend and ally, unfortunately for Quarz Delicate Flower is also aiming to pack Quarz up the ass. He has saved Quarz from death and worse fates many times though never managed to get Quarz to stay long enough in his quarters in order for them to "do the dirty". Perhaps the fact DF liked wearing a rubber gimp outfit with crotch cutaway had something to do with it.

The Hoods finally killed DF leaving Quarz vulnerable. However then DF's sister Crystal Ribbon came to save Quarz, unfortunately for Quarz CR is so demented and weird she makes DF look ordinary. Following a period out of favour during the Late Rotarios regime Quarz has now been given the command of a Friendship class transport though Windy is still said to have big plans for him.

Character Of The Week : Ayatollah Clone XE (Updated)

For many years Ayatollah Clone XE was the spiritual leader of the Clones and the head of the Church of Oojok. Then he incurred the wrath of The Windscorpion when he executed Windy's boyfriend live on TV (a form of reality TV popular on Cloneworld : Celebrity Firing Squad). XE was forced to fake his own death and was resurrected as Akiwati.

When Oojok was usurped by the secular forces of the Triumvirate Akiwati went underground again. This time he thought long enough to resume his true identity of XE. He formed a terrorist group known as the Sword Of Truth that was dedicated to overthrowing the evil of the secular regime. To that end his men flew airliners into buildings, set off suicide bombs and mortar attacks. The SOT campaign died out as Captain Clone and the Friar cracked down on security on Cloneworld.

Then XE had a route back to power. MBH began a secret project, with his SS-CINT linking up with remnants of the RP and SOT to restore Oojok back to the Clone Star Empire. Using manipulation and mind control Captain Clone was persuaded to allow a return of the teaching of Oojok and the return of Oojok as a ceremonial head of the empire. The Friar was increasingly marginalised. Then XE set his most devious plan yet. He got Windscorpion to believe that The Friar was XE and he had escaped death all this time by pretending to be The Friar. Windy snatched The Friar who is now enjoying a long painful and grisly death. XE then came out of the shadows as the new spiritual head of Oojok Madness though is pretending to be a fake masquerading as XE so that the proles do not know what Windy did to the real one (Friar) who wasn't really XE.

Confusing we know but no more than the average Colombian soap opera.